BURNT

i can admit when i've had enough. i've had enough. the WordMedicine power tour is winding down and i couldn't be more relieved...been on the road since january 3rd and leave for seattle by train today (because i need some time alone to write) and then, on the 22nd, off to b.c. for 10 day vipassana retreat...no performing, talking, debating, philosophising, writing or being "on" for 10 beautiful days...will hang out in vancouver with my fave people on earth afterwards until the 5th before i'm off to either nYc and long island university or salem, oregon and willamette college/university...only the shadow knows for sure...

have been asked to curate the spokenword component for a common ground benefit on april 20th in new oreleans for katrina victims. i've asked some of my fave poets to be down and so far, everyone except mighty mike mcgee will be able to come through...mercury is retrograde so really, this is a horrible time to be planning anything as important as a benefit, but clearly, nobody consults the stars anymore. not believing in merc retro is like not believing in spring. cycles happen whether you believe in them or not...at any rate, have to write a letter now to get an airline to donate travel vouchers for the event...wish me luck...or the proper alignment of stars...or pray for me...meditate...send good energy...whatever...thanks...more later...cbell

the ancesteral realm

and speaking of getting high: in LA i met a cool ass poet named molly who will be connecting me with her mother who is a shaman living in maui...been wanting to experiement with soul retrieval techniques for a while and a shaman i know who lives in seattle was telling me that it is possible to access the ancestral realm in shamanic soul retrieval ritual and heal folk who haven't been able to complete the death transition.

you know how black people have a saying that goes something like, if you die poorly you don't stay in the grave? well, i heard a very wise woman speak a few years back about how hundreds of thousands of african's have died in states of trauma and extreme anxiety over the last 500 or so years that our psychic/spiritual realm is packed with these zombie like spirits who haven't been able to fully transition to the ancestral realm. and since there has been no mass healing or transitional or even acknowledgement ritual to guide them over to the other side, basically they are stuck in a kind of purgatory between worlds. we are haunted by spirits who aren't able to do whatever regenerative work ancestors do in the ancestral realm.

this makes sense to me. char sundust (the shaman in seattle) told me that it is possible to access this in between world and heal the traumatized spirits that live there. or at least access and teach enough of them to be healers so that they can do the work themselves. i'd like to know if this is true. so i'll be experimenting soon....more later...cbell

Mercury Retrograde

WHY DOES MERCURY HATE ME SO MUCH??? i wonder if i stop believing in mecury, will he quit fuckin' with me...Mercury, the planet of communication and transportation is retrograde through the 25th of march and trans/comm is majorly jacked up in my world right now...my flight from LA to portland last night was delayed just enough to make me play the race card (and i NEVER play the race card!) on the customer service kid who was telling me, "sorry, it's not our fault. no you can not get a refund on your ticket. no you can not take an earlier flight. no you we can not switch you to another airline. no you will not be compensated for the performance you will miss at portland state university. no you can not speak to my supervisor. now please, step aside so i can help the other customers." to make a long story short, i staged a sit-in at the customer service counter until the agent found me another flight that would get me to my destination on time. wouldn't budge. just stood there and looked at him with, like, 10 people behind me in line waiting. so he got back on his little computer and found me a way to portland. LIKE HIS PUNK ASS SHOULDA DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! (sorry...am rarely peaceful during merc retro...)

YAAAAY!! i made it! and the show was solid, but since i'm losing my voice and have caught some kind of travel bug from traversing 5 different climates in 10 days, have decided to rest in portland until the 18th and cancel 'a mic and dim lights' tonight back in LA.

the LA shows have been good, but the other night, at 'da poetry lounge' i was completely high on stage because i didn't think the cold medicine i'd taken was working so i took a double dose and then a claritin on top of that because my nose just wouldn't unplug!!

so right before i go on, i whisper to my sister, are you making faces at me, or am i just high on cold medicine?? she was like, OH MY GOD YOU'RE TRIPPING! HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE?? YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE TO DRUGS!!! but then she pulled herself together and was like, ok christa, ground yourself and focus. use the high, don't let it use you...so i'm up on stage confusing the angels with ghosts and trying to crack jokes between poems that are funny to me, but then forgetting the punchlines...coochie magic lasted for like, 10 minutes, because i lost all track of time, and then shihan was ready to pull me off the stage with one of those gong show canes because i kept going on and on...but apparently, i gave a stellar performance. solds lots of merch and was given major love all around...AND NOBODY KNEW I WAS HIGH!! wow...more later...cbell

Wilding In

back in LA after; honolulu, boston/rhode island and a feature at the black rep theatre with the amazing iyeoka okeawa, and new york to reconnect with my girl sienna horton of the dumba collective, with whom i'll be travelling to morocco for the sacred music festival this summer, and mo brownes "jam on it: women take back the mic" feature (jabril, aka jimmiRe, aka jabrilectric, aka the guitar kid made an appearance at my feature and it felt just like home...ripped the holy set with electric guitar and beatbox and folks literally lost they minds...noteworthy performance by abana (you know, bar 13 abana!) who can SING HER ASS OFF! ...shows through the week including 2night at da poetry lounge and then a train back to seattle for one day before a 10 day retreat in canada (usual retreat at the northwest vipassana center was full...have to trek way north to meditate)...mercury is retrograde, so it's the perfect time to be wilding in...

i am revisiting the vipassana retreat (as taught by s.n. goenka), my 8th one in 5 years, after renouncing buddhism last year because of irreconcilable philosophical differences. namely that "life is suffering" (however you interpret that, it still sucks as a guiding principle) and that the ultimate goal is "enlightenment" or, a state of being other than this one i'm in now...am so much more intrested today in philosophies and experiences of immanence. so, i'm using it for my own purposes. it's still important to meditate, if only to be able to hear the heart and body more clearly, and to be better equipped to exist in the perfectly beautiful now. so i'll see if i can sit the 10 days just focusing on my breath and reminding my mind how to be still.

the retreat is 10 days long and the first three days are spent sharpening the mind by training it on the breath so that one is able to learn the technique of vipassana. the last seven days are spent doing vipassana with the last day learning a meditation called metta that helps ease one's transition back into the world.

we are up at 4:30 am to meditate, with short breaks for eating and walking throughout the day, until 8:00pm when there is a video lecture by the modern founder of the sect, s.n. goenka. that's about 12 hours of meditation each day. very intense. like me. this is how i rest...more later...cbell

in boston today hanging out with iyeoka okeowa. we featured together at the black rep theatre in rhode island last night and absolutely wrecked it. tonight we saw dave chapelle's block party and it was BEAUTIFUL. eryhkah and jil scott singing the hook on 'you got me', lauryn hill and her effortlessly flawless voice, dave chapelle and all the "in kids" rappers wrecking shop. dead prez sounding relevant instead of just angry. it was like an extended music video and behind the scenes documentary rolled into one. good show.

+rest in peace octavia butler but early 50's is too young for black women to be dying from high blood pressure.

+the south dakota legislature just voted to ban all abortion, even in the case of rape or incest unless the life of the mother is in peril. it will probably go to the supreme court.

+students for choice reading tomorrow at columbia university in nYc

++ coochie magic interlude has evolved into a seven part instruction. will post the flypoets showcase recording (from last week in LA) in a minute.

more later...cbell

HONOLULU

one of my major goals for the year was to learn how to surf. last year, in elle magazine, i think, i saw an amazing picture of the most peaceful woman riding an ocean wave and i was like, OH MY GOD! SURFING IS THE NEXT!!

i immediately recruited kfrock and we began planning a trip to costa rica where the surf diva's, an all womens surf camp, would teach us how to get down. the only problem was: i didn't know how to swim. which, to me, wasn't a problem. i mean, i've water skied, jet skied, rafted, and kayaked without knowing how. how deep could surfing be?

turns out, very deep. kealoha, the hawaii slam master, and his beautiful brother mike took me to the ocean and strapped a canoe sized surf board to my ankle. they were like, yo...you don't need to know how to swim, when you fall off, just grab the ankle strap and follow the line back to the board. the board will be your flotation device. you'll be fine.

er...yeah. the closer we got to the water the more questions i started asking, like: what if i die? and: are y'all trying to drown me??

i walked three feet out into the ocean with my surf board and decided that i should learn how to swim first (the ocean is mad scary). so kealoha took me to this little beach that was the ocean, walled into a pool by a stone cliff and he taught me how to swim! all the way. first i learned how to float. and then i learned how to tread water, then the crawl stroke and finally the breast stroke, which i can do for about 10 seconds at a time before i start complaining about how hard it is. it took me 7 minutes to jump off the cliff and into the water the first time, and about 10 or 15 minutes the second time. kealoha was so patient and loving! he jumped in first and then smiled up at me and encouraged me the entire time. he even climbed back up the cliff a few times to hold my hand as i made up my mind to jump. the little kids at the pool were cheering me on like, it's fun! don't worry! you'll be safe! come on! just jump! you can do it! here! watch me! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!!!

this is what i learned about myself:
1) it is uncomfortable for me to lose control of my body. to fly through the air with only kind eyes, water, and rocks to catch me..
2) letting go and trusting my teacher is hard.
3) i am afraid to be out of my element and i much prefer to be solidly planted on the ground where i know i can guide my movements.
4) ultimately i am adventurous and ready to transcend my limitations.
5) i have the absolute best luck with teachers in every area of my life.

give thanks to my master teacher kealoha wong for giving me the ocean!
give thanks to mama yehmaya for holding me safely in her body
give thanks to myself for the will to surrender
give thanks to land of hawaii.

ase...cbell