What Would Zora Do?

1/28/06
a funny thing happened today on the way to the zora neale hurston festival in eatonville, florida: i came to a fork in the road. on the right was a freeway sign that said in effect, "this way to a celebration of the legacy zora!" and on the left was a sign, equally bold (but somehow more sparkly), that beckoned, "today's your day to visit the MAGIC KINGDOM!"... i quickly conferred with my navigator and sister adventurer jennifer lisa, and before either of us could over think it, i swerved accross the freeway to take the magic kingdom exit...

in the spirit of zora neale hurston, we chose an adventure that neither of us had taken before, reasoning that zora would much rather us conduct an anthropoligical survey of the entertainment past times of middle america than sit through any boring tributes in her honor. also: we wanted to get on some rides! to make a long story short, we stayed for seven hours and spent our time stuffing our faces with corndog nuggets and ice cream and french fries and caramel apples and caramel corn and cheesy pretzel things, which we consumed while waiting for hours on end to get on a few measley rides, and counting the number of colored people in the disney cast of characters (we saw a dancing latina who was clearly passing for "other" and The Beast, waving on a float next to beauty. oh- and two colored men dancing in a court scene for cinderella, cuz you know, we sho' can dance!)...afterwards we both pledged that if we had children (and we were both so very happy in that moment that we didn't) we would NEVER EVER EVER bring them to disney world. it's fun for about 15 minutes and then it's like, GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!! the lights, the music, the costumes, the sugar, the weirdly depressed staff, bizarro...

1/29/06
next day jennifer lisa and i went to the cassadaga spiritualist camp in cassadega, florida. a very interesting service. we were late and the medium patricia aubrey-carpenter was speaking when we walked in. it was a wonderful message about trusting your feelings and being aware of putting yourself in denial, which i imagine is a great temptation for mediums/psychics raised in a culture where intuition isn't validated the way reason is. she also said that in a relationship, when one person feels something and doesn't speak, two people are hurt and the relationship becomes the opposite of authentic. she said that it takes courage to speak on what you feel and that it's helpful to "go within" to ask your true self for help. one thing that i liked very much and something that i am continuously working on is owning my own feelings in relationship. when you feel something emotionally, accept that you have a choice in feeling it and that the feelings belong to you. no one can make you feel anything but often we are operaing from conditioned responses that feel natural. consciousness resolves so much. be conscious of what triggers particular feelings and know that ultimately you have a choice to feel angry, depressed, violated etc. or not. sounds harsh when you're use to blaming things outside of yourself, but ultimately i feel this is correct.

after the service, there was another kind of meeting where a group of mediums one by one came up to a podium and singled out members of the congregation to "read". i was the first one. apparently i'm going to be famous and write books and have a huge following! hahaha! also, i have lots of spirit guardians around me and one in paricular, a woman, who is taking extra special care of me. in her living life she did the same thing as i do now, but wasn't allowed to be open about it because she was a woman. i'm thinking it was my paternal grandmother, grandma johnson, who was an evangelist but wasn't allowed to be a minister because in the tradition of christianity i grew up in (pentecostalism) women weren't allowed to preach...she wants to make sure i do...

on the way home, the tire blew out on the freeway, so while we were waiting for AAA to find us, we did a new moon ritual on the side of the road. the new moon is the time for doing seed planting ritual. a time to set your intention for what you want to make manifest in your life.

at cassadaga i had just bought these beautiful goddess cards with paintings on them by one of my favorite artists, the late susan seddon boulet. we both pulled a goddess to guide our intentions. i pulled hera, queen of the heavens, and jennifer lisa pulled eagle woman. then we both wrote out our intentions in the form of prayers to the goddesses and then we wrote affirmations for each others prayers as witnesses and read them. shortly thereafter, AAA came and towed us back to cocoa beach....more later...cbell

The Heat

florida is off the hook! oh my god this weather is amazing...hot and thick and breezy with just enough wet...i rode a bike down the middle of the street while licking a cherryrainbow popcicle to the library this morning...where else can you do that in the middle of winter? lots of old folk and american flags everywhere...i wonder if one has anything to do with the other? am being taken care of by the lovely del rey beach slam master cassandra who blair raved about before i even got here.

performed at DADA in del rey beach last night...interesting crowd...i've never been heckled before...especially not by a drunkard...(except once, in bed, but that's another story)...and then, after the show, i listened very politely as a man i'd known for exactly 45 seconds relayed to me all the paralells beteween spoken word, and golfing. and you'd never know that there're so very, very, very, (zzzzz), very many. apparently, it's all about feeling what's going on in your body and relaying it via the poem, or the swing...it was actually a good conversation (although even the thought of golf bores me to eating--so i had a rare steak and horseradish mash)...very buddhist (the conversation, not the steak)...

have a show tonight at the funky buddah, and then tomorrow night at the orlando poetry slam...am on my way to the beach right now...do a lil ritual to yemaya, because coochie magic isn't always enough...more later... will post info about the prosperity plan in a few...cbell

The Poet, The Performances and the People (NorthEast, U.S.A.)

so left nYc yesterday afternoon for DC and my BFFL (best friend for life), karen finneyfrock met me at my feature last night! she looked amazingly energized, and this is why: about two days ago she finished her first full length novel with a working title of, "the girls, the witch, and the dumbwaiter"....i've only read the first couple of pages but the shit is brilliant...imagine finneyfrock writing for children! the main character's name is "dickory-elle"...good stuff...she's converted her parents garage into a writing studio and, since leaving seattle to help care for her sister, she has been extraordinarily productive...tired as i was, we stayed up talking until 2 or 3 in the morning, and i, apparently, continued our conversation in my sleep...we figured out a formula for extreme productivity:
1) extreme emotional duress
2) complete isolation from all friends and support system other than family
3) a rent free space to create in and all financial worries taken care of
4) time

haven't written in a few days because the whole northeast experience is taking a minute to process...reconnecting with imani uzuri, my best friend for years...since way back in the bay area days...seeing how we've grown both as artists (Imani's show, Her Holy Water: A Black Girls Rock Opera was playing at Joes Pub the same night as my Urbanna feature) and as women...reconnecting with friends (sienna horton, my alaskan sunflower! and mo browne-too busy and popular for me as usual,but i love her anyways--) and lovers, old and new...comparing the then to the now, and processing what reflection i am casting in the world based on who is in my life now...seeing some of the most amazing artists in my craft perform;

roger bonair-agard with whom i can never spend enough time, or talk to long enough...even when he's making WHACK ASS aguments in defense of hitting another human being at bar 13 the other night...more on that later...but the bottom line is, YOU CAN NOT HIT PEOPLE ROGER!!...but still, i must admit...it's pretty sexy, in a primal sort of way, that he did...

rives--who'll be representing bar 13 at IWPS this year, and who also is the creator of 5 of the 8 mcdonalds happy meals narnia series pop up books! with 100,000,000 in circulation, i call him happy mealionaire now...

ainsley burroughs--astounding...the best writing about race and the african experience in america i've ever heard...and his love poems...wow...

rachel mcKibben--writes from her coochie...and like a black woman besides

tailor mali-- urbanna slam master, who was the first of new yorks big three to officially invite me to feature, and who officially has boasting rights to my new york performance cherry...

blair--acoustic, operatic, spoken word phenomenon

karen finneyfrock

sonya renee

oh! and C.R. AVERY!! vancouver, bc homie who collaborated with me twice while in new york. first at my urbanna show (check for word medicine - on the best of urbanna 2005) and then again at the nuyorican, who is so humble and supportive to be so fly! i haven't seen him perform in about four months and, i tell you, this man is on some other ish...he did this freak'n AMAZING 10 minute love poem at the nuyoricanon friday that somehow had as its center, nelson mandela's son dying from aids...how he centered a love poem around this is beyond me, but it was crafted so beautifully and puctuated with beatbox noise and a harmonica on the side...after last seeing him perform, i actually bought a harmonica which i, unfortuantely, had no room to pack (i know it's tiny, but you'd have to see my bag, half the contents of which i had to leave in nYc because it was just too much!)...i was honored by CR's contribution to my performances...

my feature at the nuyorican was filmed by the always supportive, since my VERY FIRST POEM, gabrielle boulaine who came all the way from buffalo, ny to do it! that's love...and she's hooking up the dvd as well...i love this woman...sometimes i feel like she's my mama...always brag'n on me to everybody!

the northeast has also been so much about making new friends and remembering my capacity for deep connection (thanks nathan p, thai freedom ford, and marie-elizabeth)...

new york, especially, has energized me creatively...i am anxious to get to florida where i'll be spending time with spiritualist, philosopher and poet, dr. jennifer lisa vest, who always encourages the writer in me...i need to write so badly...more later...christa...p.s.-the above photograph taken by inti st. claire, was shot in seattle at bumberslam 2004...

keeps going...and going...and going...

last night at rob hylton's slammetry in new jersey, i featured with hbo def poet gemineye and reknowned dub poet osagyfoe...hosted by the always entertaining and terribly funny big mic (who, if you will remember, is my fave white poet in the world!)...crowd of about 80 people. the show was cool but the vibe was very butch...lots of posturing, rage, screaming etc...it's a wonder that so many women were in attendance...am always worried that the very limited and masculine rage/lust emotional location in performance poetry will continue to discourage women from feeling (and i mean that word literally) as if there is a place for them in the art. was glad to see so many people out listening to poetry...it's unfortunate that so much of it sounded the same...oh! except for ASHLEY! korean seoul sista extraordinaire and part of the youthspeaks (i think in jersey it's youthspeaks) posse...she RIPPED it in the slam...bigUP...

tonight am back in MA at the pioneer arts center in easthampton...it's an all bent (i.e. unstraight) lineup; myself, blair (who is totally stalking me!...everywhere i go, he's either already been there or is following me...we'll finally meet tonight!)...and maya hersh, a solid young poet that i had the opportunity to hear the last time a few days ago at my last show in northhampton...and then, i get to sleep in tomorrow before the lizard lounge in boston...OH! AND BEFORE I FORGET! WAS INVITED TO FEATURE AT AN EVENT WHERE CORNEL WEST IS THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER! very excited about that...more later...cbell

I Wish I Could Quit You: On Brokeback Mountain

And How Homophobia Is Killing Black Women

saw brokeback mountain last night and, all hollywood hype aside, it was an amazingly touching tragedy about love and the culture of love in the american patriarchy.

a few weeks ago aaron mcgrude, my favorite cartoonist and creator of "the boondocks" comic strip ran a story line that had granddad (the conservative grandfather to huey, the black- nationalist, revolutionary, socialist grade-schooler who is the main character of the strip) craving a masculine, macho, good ol' boy kind of movie. he saw the previews to brokeback mountain and decided that it was about time there was a good old fashioned manly picture he could go see. he invites his neighbor tom, who is also black, to see the film with him and the strip shows the two of them marching to the theatre and preparing themselves to watch a movie that they repeatedly refer to as manly. meanwhile, huey is kind of like, um, are you SURE you want to see this film??

so they go to the movies and of course, the joke is that both granddad and tom are mortified that the picture is really about two cowboys who fall in love with each other. it culminates with grandad screaming at the screen, that's not manly!!!!

when i told my mom that i was going to see it she said, oh! me too! i've been wanting to go, maybe we could go together! and i was more direct than huey was with granddad. i told her that it was about a love story between two men and she was shocked and disgusted and, like, i'm glad you told me! and then something to the effect that she would never go see it and then, america is going to hell with gasoline panties on...

after the movie, i went out with a friend, also a black man, who is one of the most progressive men that i know. i came out of the theatre gushing about how beautiful and sad the movie was and he was visibly uncomfortable even discussing it let alone seeing it.

the night before, in new jeresey, i was out with a group of black folk, among whom was a man who's views about homosexuality, specifically among men, were so primitive as to be dangerous in general, but very specifically, i decided, to black women. to illustrate, during the course of our conversation about homosexuality in the black community, he called homosexuals; fuck'n flowers, doo doo chasers, cream puffs, yodels, ass mongers, bull daggers, carpet munchers, box chower's and, because of my defense of them which included outing myself as bisexual, christa bell's.

although the above sounds very hateful in the telling, his delivery was actually very comedic and everyone at the table, although shaking their heads at his insulting language, also laughed, if reluctantly, with him. several of the women dismissed him as homophobic and refused to engage with him about the matter. i, on the other hand, and perhaps irrationally, blamed him and his attitude as the main reason that black women have the highest new incidence rate of HIV infection in america. the climate of homophobia in the black community has made it such that the "DL" or "Down Low", the phenomenon where black men are sleeping with other men and with their wives and girlfriends at the same time, is so common that among heterosexual black women, there are entire cities and states that are considered absolutely unsafe to meet and have a relationship with a man in. these men do not consider themselves gay, as they do not lead a "gay lifestyle", they are just "men who sleep with men". unfortuanately they are doing it without protection and coming back and infecting black women with disease...and on and on and on...but here's the thing:

how do pro sex black people have zero tolerance for homophobia without isolating the majority of the community. when telling my zero tolerance girlfriend about the above conversation, she immediately shut down emotionally, got extremely judgemental about the man cracking jokes about gay people, called him an asshole and rudely cut our conversation short about the matter saying something to the effect that she didn't want to be traumatized by this mans ignorance...and i guess that's one way for black people who believe themselves progressive, to deal with homophobia. but isn't that just as dangerous as the out and out gay bashing?

am thinking about this today...more later...cbell

On the 4th day, she rested

talk about rockstar!...jetted (by bus) from boston early friday morning (simone drove me back from rhode island feature the night before) to central jersey feature...ended up getting there hella early but grouchy ass flowmentalz of the port africa slam, held me down...before i forget, big mic! you're my favorite white poet in new jersey boo...no one even comes close!!!!...the feature was solid...included, for bashir, the coochie magic interlude, a poem for wangari mathai and word medicine cuz i wanted to test those out on an all black audience...pulled a beatbox out of crowd for wordmedicine and it was niice...there was an african woman from nigeria who was there who let me know that she thinks my work is relevant and important to women on the planet. she said, as i have so many times, that the main issue confronting women today is that of low self esteem. anything, she said, that can bolster our confidence in ourselves is very necessary.

on a completely unrelated and much shallower note, some things i forgot to mention about boston; they have two urban outfitters and one has three stories!! the architecture is beautiful AND i felt 10 times smarter than i am just being in the vicinity of harvard and mit...more later...cbell

Youth Grand Slam Qualifier in Providence, RI

AS220 in providence was off the hook! the youth poets were brilliant! so open and vulnerable...one poet named keean said something beautiful about living vicariously through himself...thought that was dope...the winner was aaron (don't have last name) and he will go onto the grand slam with 7 other youth poets on the 27th of the month, i think. mo browne is the feature that night...should be a hot show.

corrina bain breaks my heart everytime i hear her read (she was the sacrificial poet for the big people's slam) and iyeoka was amazing as well. i love to hear great poetry from women who also own the stage and whatnot...

came back to boston tonight with simone and leave tomorrow early to get to new jersey for tomorrow night.

simone made me banana bread and packed me a lunch with two slices and plenty goldfish crackers...i love her...more later...cbell

FIRST STOP BOSTON & THE CANTAB LOUNGE!

actually, my first stop was newYorkcity where i'll be based for the three weeks i'm in the northeast. a friend who lives here once told me that in new york, there is a little man who walks around collecting a "leaving the house" tax each you time you walk outside. it's that expensive. and so much to buy! imani uzuri, who has graciously opened her home to me to act as my NE base, warned me on my way to catch the trainstation to bowery and canal. christa, baby, she said, you're gonna have to stay focused as you walk down canal. don't get distacted by all the glitter. you only have 1/2 hour to get to the bus! and thank earth she warned me! i had to walked down canal like i had blinders on. it just wasn't fair...all the screaming bright fake balenciaga's calling my name like, christa! over here! just a quick peek!!!, and then the sparkly bohemian cloth bags from pakistan, india and morocco...the booths with trays filled with silver and brass trinkets, the hot pink paisley wraps and more fake designer bags...and all the booth patrons shouting, for you!? only $30...make it $25, but this is my lowest price!]

i know it sounds like i did a little more than just peek but i swear i made it to my bus on time!

before i left, my boy soulchilde, aka okanamede, told me about a super cheap bus that'll take you from chinatown new york to chinatown boston for $15 (i didn't learn that chicken cages--with chickens in them!-- frequently rode this bus until after i arrived in boston). the name of the bus is the Fung Wah bus line and it runs every hour all day long.

i slept the entire way to boston, hopped on the subway to mass ave and arrived at the cantab around 7pm.

i normally don't eat before i perform but was starving, so i ran next door to a college-town sort of indian place called the ghandi restaurant and had a thin but lovely cup of lentil soup (spiked with ginger!), a round of kalcha (a leavened flat breat with butter) and, my favorite, an amar lassi, which is like a smoothie made with sweet yogurt and fresh mango juice over ice, served in a glass that is usually too small!

then i was back at the cantab where i sat through about two hours of the best open mic i've ever been to. normally at open mic's, by the end of 15 minutes i astrally project myself into another, happier situation as far from the stage as possible (like, maybe lithuania or some place), but the cantab poets were niiiiiice! funny, smart, well spoken and intresting. i was only bored very occasionally!

my feature started at about 10:30...i wrecked it, sold lots of merch, had a great conversation with a senegalese man, who is bound to be a good friend, about islam and the tradition of patriarchal/colonial religions in africa, and was out!!

i'm staying with a wonderful woman named simone beaubien who is the very engaging slammaster at the cantab! we stayed up til the break of dawn eating pasta, goldfish crackers and apple jacks, talking about saturn return (she's in hers), men who want to get married, and how to reinterpret the scary traits of the parent we're most afraid of to serve who we are and wish to become today.

we're off now to harvard square, i think, to look for a calendar for me, and then it's on to providence for tonights feature....more later...cbell

WORDMEDICINE 2006 SPOKENWORD TOUR

a friend just told me to consider that anxiety and excitement feel the same, it's just a matter of how one chooses to interpret the emotion...so, i've decided to be excited and not nervous...how 'bout that?...right now i'm washing clothes and packing. got my chapbooks from the printer over the weekend but still have to p/u cd's to take on the road...i only want to take one bag with me, because it'll be easier to travel with, but it's looking like with the merch, i'll need two...have a checklist a mile long of all the things i need to do before i leave including pay rent...have been very fortunate and have received lots of monetary support for this venture...so i guess i'm on the path...launch party tonight at the mirabeau room...will try to blog every day while on tour...more later...cbell