PRE TOUR JITTERS

It has become a common feeling, I believe, as we have watched our heroes falling over the years, that our own small stone of activism, which might not seem to measure up to the rugged boulders of heroism we have so admired, is a paltry offering toward the building of an edifice of hope. Many who believe this choose to withhold their offerings out of shame. This is the tragedy of our world. For we can do nothing substantial toward changing our course on the planet, a destructive one, without musing ourselves individual by individual, and bringing our small, imperfect stones to the pile."

--Alice Walker

i feel like i'm having second thoughts about getting married or something. wordmedicine 2006, my first spoken word tour, jumps off on january 3, 2006 with a tour launch party at the seattle slam at the mirabeau room on lower queen anne and will run through march 31st. i'm anxious and nervous and scared. over the last four months, as i've planned and organized with the help of my good friend heidi jackson, i've playerhated/cockblocked on my own self by becoming involved in a number of relationships that sucked the energy and with it, the ambition out of me. earlier this year i wrote about how obsession is used to placate fear in the artist. that instead of being powerful in my art, which i do consider a ministry, i find people and situations to give my energy to that suck up my soul, and with it my motivation to make art.

but i'm finding also that consciousness brings resolution. the more i bring my attention to my fear of sharing my words with the world, the smaller the fear gets. sometimes, i think, fear just needs a little attention. just like, hey, what's go'n punkin?, instead of the constant struggle to outrace/outwit it. that's it for now...i am more ready today, than i've ever been in my life.

thanks to my boy ókànomodé for the above quote from alice walker...ONE...christa