Shayne L. Koyczan...making losing worth while...

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

--The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams (as quoted in "Visiting Hours" by Shayne L. Koyczan)

so as a consolation prize for LOSING THE NATIONAL POETRY SLAM ON A TIME PENALTY shayne koyczan (2000 National Poetry Champion, from vancouver, b.c.) gave me his brand new unreleased-to-the-public book of poetry entitled "visiting hours"...it's wonderful so far...and almost worth losing for...and speaking of losing...

today on the way to hugo house to check-out some new (to me) poetry, a middle aged-state-representative-look'n black man, on the #11 bus, wearing light blue loafers, and a red white and blue sweatshirt, with the words USA! emblazoned across his chest looked at me with a smile and said, "we have a long way to go in this life...don't you ever give up!"...and i asked him why he told me that and he said, "because it's true", and i got off at the next stop and cried and cried and cried...i've been so stressed out rehearsing and competing over the last couple of months, and the wave of depression that accompanied the cry was a wonderful release...

when i first began performing, imani uzuri, my best friend, told me to be extremely conscious of the high/low mood swings that come with performing. the reason why performers often use mood altering substances is because they don't know what to do with the lull that comes after being on stage. the attention and even adulation that comes with giving a solid performance is intense, such a rush and SO addicting! seriously, the way i imagine meth might be...so the trick is to just BE with the low. observe it. don't react to it...just let whatever comes up, come up. emotions are transitory, they don't last forever...get through without trying to change the way it feels...

have a show tonight, must get ready...more later...christa