Christa Bell

HAPPY NEW YEAR: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!

2007-01-16T22:18:00.000-08:00

the new year doesn't begin officially for me until january 17th, my birthday! so, on my birthday eve, let's take time for a little reflection on what i did last year: I WRECKED IT!!! woop!! woop! congrats to me for making 2006 a stellar year in the history of years!

1) i headlined my first international spokenword tour (wordmedicine 2006) and had my first patron who paid for the whole damn thing!
2) i wrote my first one-woman show, "COOCHIEMAGIC: A SPOKENWORD MUSICAL COMEDY featuring my beatboxstra
3) i fell in love no less than FOUR times (the last time was with a digital yogi i met on myspace, and the time before that was with this amazing poet via text!)
4) i reconnected with four of my bestest friends from my bay area days: lake louise, s. horton, and t'kalla as well as my ex-soulmate k.s.k.
5) i organized, by text message, and three days before i went on a ten day vipassana retreat, an entire spoken word benefit for the national orginization Common Ground for victims of the Katrina disaster, starring: rives, tallam acey, roger bonair-agard, xero skidmore, iyeoka, and new orleans slam master asale devon. WHAT??
6) i attended two, count 'em, TWO vipassana retreats and got my soul right for the new year.
7) i left pc world and bought a mac!
8) i lived in nYc for almost three months!
9) i vacationed in the hamptons (woop! woop!)
10) i watched every episode of the sopranos, lost, the L word, desperate housewives, prison break and the flava of love. what can i say? i'm a cultural critic.
11) i'm going to save the next few spots for amazing things i did but can't remember tight now.
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shoutouts for a year well done go to:
-heidi jackson who single-handedly organized my tour and my life for the first six months of the '06. i couldn't've done it without her!

-all the slam masters all over the country who invited, housed, fed, picked me up, made sure their audience bought my merch, loved me and loved me some more and put up with my occassional bouts of divaliciousness! special thanks to kealoha of the hawaii slam who taught me how to swim, and in the ocean no less! also to taylor mali for issuing my first official invitation to feature in nYc way back in 2005! (nathan p., formerly of the nuyo, says that he was first but taylor wins cuz he put it in WRITING! which isn't a diss to the oral tradition...i'm just sayin, a brova was organized about it!! lol!!)

-my little sister who always let me know that if i ever ran out of money, i could always get down on my knees and beg her for it!

-imani and iyeoka for encouraging me.

-mo browne for being a great friend and for listening to me bitch and whine about other people being negative-lol!

-timeca briggs for agreeing to direct my show the moment i told her i'd written one.

-michael cirelli for having my back whenever it was time to cut a nyucka loose!

-thai freedom ford for her down-ass hospitality.

-mrs. mali for being a wonderful new friend and for making me feel special by including me in her bomb-ass world!

-my mom who housed me for two months during the summer when i couldn't take new York city anymore even though i'd sublet my apartment through august. and also for supporting me so much that she could write me off on her taxes if she wanted to!

-jennifer lisa vest for being crazier than me! lol!!

-denise cooper for taking care of my home while i was gone.

-THE DUMBA ARTS COLLECTIVE!! oh my god! the only place in nYc that felt like home.

-the spirits of the planes, trains, and automobiles that got me to and from my destinations safely and on time!
voici dance for writing a grant to bring me to florida!

-all of the amazing artists, healers, fortune tellers, spiritualists, intellectuals, memoirists, story tellers, lovers, yogi's, geniuses, foodies, musicians, professors, massage therapists, novelists and poets who inspired and supported me on my path.

RIP: alice coletrane, octavia butler, james brown, ronald isley, coretta scott king, ed bradly and lou rawls!!

this year is gonna be amazing and i'm very glad to be here!

more later...cbell

Analog Love, Digital Yogi, Meditation, Grief and Growth

2006-12-20T14:38:00.000-08:00

it's four am in seattle i am too heartbroken to sleep and have been up all night. ten days ago i returned from doing a vipassana satipathana retreat (the satipathana course is for old students only) to discover that everything in my life had shifted to the left and many things had fallen away as i let go of old sankara's (deep rooted complexes) while there, and in so doing, released a host of people and circumstances born of these complexes.

exactly 39 days before i took my ninth vipassana course in six years, and four days before the last mercury retrograde period of the year, i met a beautiful yogi via myspace with whom i fell madly in love. i should say here that we never met. he lives in shanghai (with my friends i referred to him as, among other things, "the only brother in china"), but the fantasy of spiritual partnership is a strong idea and he fed my craving with his beautiful letters and daily telephone calls and the promise implied by his insistence that he's been looking for me all the days of his life.

i didn't know how i would write about the end of our romance, which was also the end of my attraction to unavailable men, until a friend wrote to me today to give his condolences around the crashing of my digital love and to inquire about the process that led up to it. following is an excerpt from the email i sent to him only a few hours ago regarding what happened for me while i was on my retreat and what i found when i returned home:

vipassana is the meditation i've told you about that
you learn at the 10-day silent retreats
(www.dhamma.org). it's ancient therapy that goes
deeper and is much more efficient than psychoanalysis
or any of the modern therapies i've experimented with.

there are three parts to the technique: ana pana,
which is a meditation on the breath that is done for
three days so that you can sharpen and quiet the mind
enough to learn vipassana. then there is the
technique of vipassana itself which i will explain to
you by phone (although it's experiential and pretty
much impossible to get intellectually.) and then
there's metta which is a healing balm you apply during
the last two days of the retreat which acts to sew
you back up after the extremely intense work of
digging out sankara's.

sankara's are, in essence, deep-rooted complexes you
have about yourself and they are related to the karma
you've acquired over many lifetimes. during the
practice, these sankara’s, which you have stored in your dna, manifest themselves as
sensations on your body. the technique teaches you to
be highly aware of these sensations and to observe
them equanimously, that is, peacefully and without any
aversion, as they come to the surface of your body and
pass away (for example, a sankara might manifest itself as an itch on your nose that is so itchy it is painful. you must observe the itch peacefully without doing anything to quench it. with this observation comes an experiential understanding of “anica” which means change. everything changes. all sensations are transitory. nothing lasts forever.) in this way, you are able to allow old
karma in the forms of hurt, abuse, trauma, neglect,
addictions, abandonment’s etc. to come to the surface
and pass away. this is the basic teaching of Jesus’
"turn the other cheek" philosophy.

to elaborate further, the usual habit pattern of the mind is to react to the
old karma, that is, slap me and i'll slap you
back! the fundamental problem with this is that
everytime you make an action, whether it's "good" or
"bad" you plant a seed (as you sew, so shall you also
reap) and the basic karmic doctrine is that every seed
manifests as fruit when the conditions are ripe for it
to grow. so what you do with vipassana is create a
still place free from both craving and aversion to sensation so
that your deep-rooted complexes have an opportunity to
come to the surface and pass away without any
interference from you.

next is what is most glorious and beautiful about the
technique, but what is also sometimes the most
confusing and painful, although ultimately beneficial:
as you practice and let pass these deep rooted
sankara, your external circumstances automatically
change to reflect this, immediately and often in unpredictable ways.
for example, a major sankara that i passed during my
last retreat was the belief that my father never loved
me. now, whether this belief is actually true or not
makes no difference to my BELIEF that it was true.
i've believed this for many many years and this belief
has resulted in me attracting a particular kind of man
(and there are quite a few other things this belief
attracted, but that's another email). my beautiful
john (shanghai surprise) was this kind of man and when
i got out, he had been, in essence, removed
from my cipher because the deep rooted complex that
had brought us together has now been removed. i knew
while i was still at the retreat that he wouldn't be
in my life anymore because i felt him so entirely
dissolved, but it is still difficult for me in the day
to day reality to know that i will most likely not
ever talk to him again. it's like someone i loved
dearly had a terminal disease while i was on retreat and has died. even though it was the best thing
for all parties concerned, there's still an adjustment
period to the new reality.

at any rate, over the six years that i've been
practicing, i've been able to release many, though
certainly not all, of the complexes that i've
acquired over the years and built my reality around.

i can explain this better if you like the next time we
talk.

love (and some tears and sniffles),

christa

The Mind of Christa Bell

2006-09-18T21:48:00.000-07:00

here's everything i've read so far this year. please note the absolute randomness:

the secret book of black girl magic, by christa bell
peace & blessings for dummies, by christa bell
enlighten your coochie!, by christa bell
proverbs (from the bible)
all the websites and blogs re. beyonce
liner notes to all the ROOTS albums (?love is hilarious)
lyrics to "spirit rap" by astarius reiki
seeing the unspeakable: the art of kara walker, by gwendoloyn dubois shaw
a heartbreaking work of staggering genius, by dave eggers (better late than never)
the bone people, by keri hulme (again)
pathologies of power, by paul farmer (sike. i bought it and read like, three chapters, because i saw that roger was reading it.)
woman, an intimate geography, by natalie angier (ibid-but this one i'll finish at some point)
godel, escher, bach: an eternal golden braid, a metaphorical fugue on minds and machines in the spirit of lewis carroll, by douglas r. hofstadter (DOUBLE SIKE! note to self: ignore all book recommendations from jeremy richards. this is his "light"reading.)
at least 20 entries from the women's encyclopedia of myths and secrets, by barbara g. walker
lots of entries from witches: an encyclopedia of paganism and magic, by michael jordan
song of solomon, by toni morrison (again)
fat girl (a memoir), can't remember authors name
kindred, by octavia butler
fledgling, by octavia butler
parable of the sower (again), by octavia butler
writing down the bones (natalie goldberg)
wicked (but only the first few chapters)
the selected poems of james tate (poems)
my mother's body(again), by marge piercy (poems)
the moon is always female, by mary oliver (poems)
the subtle art of breathing by asha bandele(poems)
said the shotgun to the head, saul williams (long-ass poem)
the abundance book, by john randolph price (40 day prosperity plan included)
writing with intent, essays, reviews etc. by margaret atwood
a clockwork orange, by anthony burgess (first time. horrorshow!)
the prodigal summer, by barbara kingsolver
enchanted love:the mystical power of intimate relationships, by marriane williamson
some book of essays about rumi can't remember the name of it
the fifth sacred thing (a novel), by starhawk
wild like that good stuff smellin strong, by tish benson (poems)
the autobiography of benjamin franklin
the alchemist, by paulo coelho
on the art of poetry by aristotle (weeeeelllll...not really...but i have it. stole it from a friend)

not very impressive-eh? maybe there's more...will let you know...cbell

Family Part One

2006-09-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

my family is hilarious and the funniest thing about them is that they think i'm the one with jokes. i'm in san francisco right now because two months ago nonnie, my grandma who is 81 years old, decided that she needed all new furniture. her entire house is baby blue and white, her two favorite colors, from the carpets to the faux french blue velvet sofa's, covered until very recently in plastic, to the dining room, bedspreads and bath towels. my mom begged me to come with her to help get rid of the old furniture, clean out granny's garage and keep her company partly because granny, who is evil as the devil, is the bane of everyones existence, except mine. lawd chile she LOOOOOVE her some "princess christy-love," a fact that mystifies everyone in the family as i'm the pagan slut with no children, marriage prospects or mortgage and who, they all suspect, is a flaming lesbian because otherwise, wouldn't one of them have seen me with a man in the past 10 years, not to mention she's always talkin' about women?

so my mom booked our non refundable tickets and two days before we were to fly out, nonnie mentions casually to my mother that she's changed her mind, she doesn't think she needs new furniture after all but she's mighty glad that her only child and favorite grand daughter are kind enough to visit an old woman like herself who's kinfolk all live in n'awleans, that is they did live in n'awleans til that hurricane came and wiped everybody out (keeping in mind that all of my family fled the area before the disaster hit). ARRRGGGHH! so i'm pretty much stuck here until next thursday. am trying to make the most of it, furiously recording the hilarious diatribe against the world that my grandma spews with her every waking breath, bless her heart.

things you should know about my grandmother miss mayola maybanks-davis-simon;

though she's black as a bowl of prunes, she's been using bleaching cream for the last 60 years and expects to turn "light skinned" any day now.

she spends $80/jar on anti-wrinkle cream that she slathers on at night and attributes her perfect wrinkle free skin to lancome. i once tried to explain melanin to her, but she just pretended like she didn't understand me. this trip, my mom and i convinced her that oil of olay works just as well.

her first husband, my grandpa louis, who lived 85 years on planet earth, never believed in space travel. he believed that the US travelling to the moon was a big hoax on the american people. (to what end, he never explained).

her second husband, whom we all called "uncle sy" said to me on his deathbed, "when i die, i'd ruther come back a white mule than a black anything! that's just how bad they treat us. you don't know how they treat us."

granny not only believes that jesus was black, she also believes that he was lynched and "crucified" is a word white folk today use to cover that up.

she's cut my dad out of all the pictures she has of him and my mom together.

she subscribes to ebony, jet and essence and cuts out all the articles in the newspaper with pictures of black people next to them and sends them to my mom.

she makes pralines so good, your teeth fall out when you eat them.

but the best thing about her is that when the student loan people call her looking for me, she always says she doesn't know who i am or where i live. THAT'S LOVE!

and now, wisdom and words of advice from grandma:

"you too old to be marryin' for love. y'need to find you a man with some money!" (an interesting bit of trivia: about eight years ago, she tried to fix me up with a mortician who went to her church and i actually went on a date with him to shut her up!)
"i hate to say it baby, but you prolly gon end up wit a white man. ain't no nigger out there good enough f'you..."
"what? they don't sell girdles at victoria secrets?" (granny has been trying to convince me for years that i need to wear a girdle)
"you'd be so cute if it weren't for dem nigger knots y'got in y'head!" (referring to my dredlocks)
"y'know, you could make a good livin' as a (choose one:) post office employee, hair dresser, teacher etc."
"you a writer, ain'tcha? am i gon die befo' ya book come out?"
"as long as you happy, you can do anything you want to do."
"you don't need no man."

Things You Might Think

2006-07-15T08:41:00.000-07:00

BUT SHOULD NEVER SAY OUT LOUD!:

christa! it looks like you're getting FAT!, flow, "just keepin' it real" mentalz, my second favorite jersey poet (sexy ass BIG MIC is still my hands down favorite) last night at the nuyorican. so as a special guest, i read a new piece called, "she takes up space" that was inspired by a poet friend who saw me reading the memoir, "fat girl" by judith moore (a ferocious read) and who groaned, oh my god, you're not about to write a fat girl poem are you? please don't. you're too good for that. and the world doesn't need another fat girl poem...whatever. will post later...cbell

ps-in my honor, using only her eyes, rachel mckibbens threw a hood over flow's head, dragged him into the woods, tied him to a tree, poured honey all over his body and left him for the bears...

The Moth Slam, NY, NY

2006-07-12T15:23:00.000-07:00

went to a fantastic storytelling slam last night with a super-secret-famous-in-his-world friend who's name i will not mention because he's regularly and intensely stalked by crazy female fans of his love poems. as a matter of fact, i've been stalking him myself for months under the pretense of just "getting to know" him because his work is "so charming, so natural, so utterly without pretense..." a little flattery goes a long way with the famous-in-their-own-world types...but i'm a little nervous that somehow i'll slip and he'll recognize me for the crazed fan that i am. but hopefully by then it'll be too late and he'll already have eaten his daughters boiled bunny.

but back to the slam: i came in dead last, booed the hell out of the judges and was a very sore loser in general but had the best time! i'm not nervous anymore when i'm reading or otherwise performing on stage but last night was about unpracticed storytelling. no notes, no memorization and no one knew me. there were a total of ten contenders, pulled out of a hat and everyone told a first person story. for some reason i couldn't think of a first person story that wasn't already a poem and so i retold a fairy tale.

the theme was, "busted" and so i told the story of rumplestiltskin. remember the little elf (i made him a dred elf with a trinidadian accent which would've been hilarious if i hadn't been so nervous), who spun all the straw into gold so the farmers daughter wouldn't be killed by the king? well she eventually promised him her first born son but didn't want to give up her child when it came time to pay the piper. the dred elf decides to let her keep her child if she can guess his name, which she does by catching him in the forest singing (and i made this shit up on the spot!):

(to the tune of no woman no cry)
no woman no win
no woman no win
lil darlin gon shed much tear
my name is rumplestiltskin

BUSTED!

i went WAY over time (the story slam has a five minute time limit as opposed to the three minute/ten second slam time limit), i probably went on for ten minutes (there's this freaky little whistle thing that they blow when you've used your time and it totally made me lose my concentration). all the story tellers were fantastic! there were first person stories about going on an internet date and ending up in jail because the date lunged at a police officer, accidentally mooning parents through a van window, not defending a senile relative who swore she heard the story teller sneaking out of the house to smoke a cigarette, and getting caught shoplifting in the store of a client and then being rescued by the store manager!

the host, who's name i'm very sorry i don't remember, was absolutely hilarious once he got warmed up, but i think he'd be even better if the crowd gave him more energy to work with. for the most part they laughed and clapped politely, but my secret friend and i were the only ones in the audience crackin' jokes (when i booed the judges for my low scores, secret squirrel was like, "i'll cut you! do you know who I AM?") and generally being silly. and jennifer, the vannah white/ed mcmahon-ish co-host was a great sidekick, very sweet and wrote me an email asking me to come again.

good times and a round of drinks for everyone! more later...cbell

RATS!

2006-07-10T13:56:00.000-07:00

somebody stop me. yesterday i bought rat traps at the dollar store to set in the subways here and am hoping to start a movement. i don't know if we just don't have rats and roaches on the west coast (i saw my first roach in california when i was 12 years old and i have NEVER EVER EVER seen a west coast rat!), or if they are simply well mannered enough to hide themselves when a lady approaches! the other day, a rat stared me down on the stairs leading to the union square f train. i was like, Shoo! Shoo! i stamped my foot and tried to scare it away then i walked up on it all big and bold, thinking that it would back down and let me pass, but the little MF just cocked it's head and stared at me as if i were trespassing! if he had a rifle, he would've shot at me! so i was like, fine, you can have your ol' fonky stairway, i didn't want to go home anyways, but then this man comes up behind me and he's laughing at me like, BWAHAA! don't you know that here, we share space with the animals? and then he walked right past the rat as if it weren't even there! so i scurried behind him (like a rat) and the whole time the lil bugger is just like, yeah, that's what i thought!

but i will have my revenge. and i know that's not very buddhist, killing rodents and all, so thank the lord i'm not a buddhist!!!...more later...cbell

Procrastination For Dummies

2006-07-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

this is how you stall a creative project:

1) go to the movies to see the devel wears prada and stay through superman, the break-up and the lake house.

2) decide that writing is dumb and poetry is even dumber and besides, how is a grown-ass woman supposed to make a living doing either? then research debt consolodation programs and, since you just saw superman, crystal technology. then look at mathematics programs at seattle central community college because you've always wanted to be a physicist and all the people you date are so maybe this is a sign that you need to stop sleeping with science nerds and become one. decide that you need to learn html so you can design your own damn website, look for certificate programs and html for dummies type books online. google an ex-sort-of-kind-of-i don't know what we were-boyfriend from 10 years ago who you heard joined some kind of spiritual cult in arkansaw that wears purple all the time and worships jesus (i know. cult and jesus don't normally appear in the same sentence, but you'd have to know my ex.) take a few moments to be bitter about that relationship. wonder about ex's in general, slowly and one at a time.

3) eat chocolate and drink coffee after doing neither for six weeks. this way you can achieve an extreme chemical high and then have a crash so depressing that you sleep 14 hours at a time.

4) call your little sister in california and talk about family members. patiently discuss all the ways in which the two of you are superior to everyone else related to you by blood.

5) blog

and if none of the above works, put on something sparkly and fabulous, run on strappy platform wedges to the subway and meet your girls in the city to see KURTIS BLOW!!

see ya!!

Black Girlz Rule NYC Arts Scene

2006-07-03T15:31:00.002-07:00

...at least, from my perspective. late last night, after watching the brazillians beat the hell out of the tamborine at a free concert in central park, i went to the danny simmons corridor gallery (344 grand avenue in brooklyn) to see the "I Witness" installation by rwandan-born artist, Duhirwe Rushemeza, the 2006 artist-in-residence at the harlem school of the arts. the installation, a "reflection and commemoration of the lives lost during the 1994 rwandan genocide," was one in which Rushemeza, "...remain(ed)silent for a 24-hour period carving out a pair of eyes every twelve seconds to investigate the breakdown of the statistics for (the) 1994 rwandan genocide that claimed the lives of 800,000 people. these killings occured over a 100 day period at a rate of 8000 people per day, 333 people per hour, five people per minute, and one person every 12 seconds..."

she carved with a teensy little exacto type knife filling in the outlines of large abstract shapes set against a sky-blue background with hundreds of sets of tiny little eye's. it was absolutely silent in the gallery space, out of respect for the act of commemoration, and she was facinating to watch: a graceful and thin wristed, burnt brown-skinned woman with a cascade of copper dredlocs wrapped into a bun on the top of her head. her carving was meticulous and methodical. she glanced up only once per group of visitors and she carefully looked each of one of us in the eyes before bowing her head to return to her work. every few minutes or so she would glance at her watch as if to make sure that her carvings kept time with the literal act of one murder per twelve second period.

the impact was powerful in a contemplative kind of way. since she maintained her pace for 24 hours (she'd been at it about 10 hours by the time my friends and i got there)you had to wonder at the dedication of the the murderer's and also the sheer stamina it would take (physical and psychic)to both commit and endure such terror.

also of note this summer: kara walker at the MET using her silhouettes to dialogue with the masters about the meaning of black folk, water and the katrina disaster, imani uzuri's ground breaking musical theatre debut, "her holy water: a black girls rock opera" @ joes pub and other venues throughout the city, the collage art of kenyan artist wangechi mutu at the sikkema jenkins & company gallery as well as the organic, hand-dyed, paper and house paint abstract paintings of sienna horton at the DUMBA arts collective in brooklyn, which you can see by appointment or homegirl hook-up only.

hoping to see sara jone's bridge and tunnel on broadway and, of course, the color purple musical as well before i go back home late july.

How To Be A Rich Bitch In The Hamptons

2006-06-28T06:20:00.000-07:00

i'm trying to be cool about it but really, i'm wildly impressed. i'm in south hampton right now staying in a $25,000,000 "cottage" because some friends of mine are working this summer as "organic chefs" for the daughters of a russian billionaire. a few things: "organic chefs" is in quotes because neither of them really are. this job is on some "homegirl hookup". one of the "help" is a member of the new york crew and was in charge of staffing the house for the summer. she passed my girls off as chef and nutritionist and so, here we are.

the "girls" are russian socialites, 21 and 29 years old, who receive monthly allowances of $40,000 each (in addition to $27,000/month for food and around $30,000 for staff), and who call themselves "heiresses", have paid $650,000 to rent this house out for the summer (sorry, i can't quite resist numbers dropping, and since i know you're wondering, their father is worth $18 billion. daily intrest: $250,000,000) and, are, by all accounts, the two most boring people on earth. whatever. they let the help have the run of the place 3 days out of every week (including a three week on-site paid vacation in august) while they're off trading yachts and drugs in st. tropez with paris hylton (no. really. they do.) or hanging out on park avenue, and this, my friends, is where i come in. oh is it ever good being best friend to the "b" people.

how to be a rich person: first, one or two spigots in a shower is hardly enough to get you clean. seven is the minimum, but in a summer rental you can get away with five. after all, toes are just as important and worthy of full on jet blasts as shoulders. end body part apartheid now!

next, your refrigerator should be as large as your wealthiest servant's entire apartment. this is mandatory. if you have to ask why, clearly you are out of your tax bracket.

oh, and of course you must spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a decorator to ensure that your home is devoid of any personal style or quirky originality. let your decorator, er, "home design specialist", convince you that plaid walls are fly and a maroon, olive and gold color scheme isn't wack.

don't forget the flatscreen televisions on every available wall surface to stand in as art. unless you're really rich, then, bring your uptown art to display at your summer cottage, but let it be bland as tofu and hardly worth the effort.

if you really wanna live it up, show the world that you, indeed, are runnin' thangs, from your luxurious bedroom, scream the name of one of your staff at the top of your lungs as if you were being plundered by the saxons. when she comes running up two flights of stairs, gasping and panting prayers under her breath, collapse on your floor dramatically and pout softly, "i'm staaaaarving! make me something to eat?" this really happened.

and lastly, to really earn the title of "heiress" don't know how to plug a toaster into an electrical outlet and flop your wrist helplessly while fumbling with the cord and asking, "how does this thing work? oh forget it. just make me some toast!"

yes. i am hating a little. and what have these rich bitches done other than offer me a beautiful writing retreat, away from the city three days a week (three weeks in august) for the rest of the summer???...clearly i need to work on my judgement and compassion. ok! sheesh! a little bit of grattitude would be in order as well..more later...christa bell, poet and socialheavy

Phoenix & Mesa, AZ

2006-05-30T16:42:00.000-07:00

...being in the desert reminded me that i haven't taken a naked trip since my girl sienna and i rode through joshua tree, disguised as sand nymphs, the summer before she was hired and i was fired (for showing up every day on "poet time" aka CP time) from the san francisco branch of anderson consulting, the accounting firm who shredded documentation of it's audits of ENRON.

i spent the first two days in AZ performing at corbet deans' venue in phoenix (which was probably the most integrated venue i've performed at in the south), and i also featured at the mesa slam, where mister crazy motherfucker, who had seen my show the night before at zoe's kitchen, got on the mic during the slam and ranted about how mentally deranged my "fans and groupies" were and something else about me (my work) being wack because i focus so much on women...i had scary houston flashbacks (you remember, the group of men who got up, turned their backs on me, and made an enormous show out of leaving the venue in the middle of my set, as the women screamed and cried and cheered) but actually ended up defending his right to rant on the mic about his experience of my work as a free speech issue. i think it was noam chomsky who said something like, either you believe in free speech for everyone, or you don't. you can't only believe in free speech for people who have the same opinions as you.

big of me, i know, but i was also a judge for the slam and scored his rant 0.0, which apparently wasn't low enough to keep him from advancing to the second round.

the organizers of the mesa slam were completely embarrassed (which i didn't think they needed to be)and apologetic but how boring would i be if no one ever objected to my work?...more later...cbell

Okaaay...

2006-05-30T16:27:00.000-07:00

Alaska Airlines seats passengers in the following order:

1) elderly & disabled

2) people with children

3) business class

4) premier class

5) MVP and Partnership Airlines first class

6) row 6 (???!!)

7) rows 15 and higher

8) everyone else (i.e. me: row 12, seat C)

they will not let you cut ahead of anyone. if, for example, you are MVP class, you will be clowned loudly if you try to get on the plane when they call for Premier Class to board. after row six was announced, i just started laughing hysterically and couldn't stop. people were looking at me and i was like (to myself, because i'm only crazy in extreme circumstances) did they just say ROW SIX COULD BOARD? ROW SIX? WHAT THE HELL IS ROW SIX? DID THEY PAY MORE MONEY? ARE THEY MORE SPECIAL THAN THE REST OF US? ARE THEY BETTER CITIZENS, DO THEY REFRAIN FROM DRINKING AND CAROUSING?????? DID THEY MAKE THEIR RESERVATIONS FIVE YEARS IN ADVANCE?? WHAT THE HELL?

i read the prodigal summer while waiting. the whole thing. for real. later i learned that row six was the exit row. whatever dude. the only reason i flew alaska anyway was because jetblue, who does not enforce a class system for boarding, doesn't fly phoenix to seattle...more later about ARCOSANTI, my new favorite desert oaisis...cbell

CHOCOLOVE

2006-05-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

good grief! spring is definitely here, and i'm feelin' it hard, but there seems to be a booty famine in this city that never sleeps and so i am buying chocolove chocolate bars because they have love poems on the insides of their wrappers...very desperate, i know:

from Venus and Adonis (Chocolove, Hazelnuts in Milk Chocolate. 33% Cocoa Content)

With this she seizeth on his sweating palm,
The precedent of pith and livelihood,
And trembling in her passion, calls it balm,
Earth's soveriegn salve to do a goddess good:
Being so enrag'd, desire doth lend her force
Courageously to pluck him from his horse...

So soon was she along, as he was down,
Each leaning on their elbows and their hips:
Now doth she stroke his cheek, now doth he frown,
ANd 'gins to chide, but soon she stops his lips;
And kissing speaks, with lustful language broken,
'if thou wilt chide, thy lips shall never open.'

-William Shakespeare

giant silk moths live for sex

2006-05-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

there is a giant silk moth, gorgeous as a butterfly, called a saturniid who's sole purpose in life is to procreate. get this: it does all it's eating as a catepillar and emerges from it's cocoon mute, without a mouth. it has just a few days to live, in most cases one week, so it's a race against the clock to mate before it starves to death. so the saturniid spends it's short life (or maybe seven days is an eternity to a silk moth) negotiating phermones, locating a mate, finding the right host plant and laying hundreds of eggs. can you imagine the urgency, the single minded focus that comes from knowing instinctually that the only thing you really have to do before you check out is have sex? and on top of it all, these moths are mostly blind as well so they find their way to their mates by way of scent. isn't that sexy? no mouth, no eyes, only scent and touch and desire.

don't steal this for your own metaphor...lol...no, i'm serious...more later...cbell

AA

2006-05-15T10:59:00.000-07:00

oh, and part of being a fabulous new york rockstar is drinking expensive champagne and turning into an alcoholic which i've been doing since last saturday as i've had at LEAST eight glasses of bubbly since then. champagne is so very excellent and i feel so giddy and fizzy when i drink it, but i'm on the wagon now, as my liver feels like a crunchy brown leaf, and glass number eight wasn't nearly as happy as number one was. i've been trying to start drinking for the last two years now, but can't quite manage to maintain intrest. i was sure that by now i'd be on to scotch or bourban or some other movie starish weakness, but alas, i've failed once again at becoming a tragic alcoholic poet who all the women want to save...some things just weren't meant to be, i guess.

Getcha Holy On

2006-05-14T18:23:00.000-07:00

in my real life, or, i should say, my past life in seattle that's faded to almost a dream over this last month, i'm the homiest homebody ever...i don't go out unless i'm performing and i don't have people over unless they are performing (wink/wink), but here, in my now life, my glamalicious rockstar new york life, i'm such the girl about town! look! that's me! at every art opening, film debut and poetry reading. every fabulous party, and restaurant. i even attended an amazingly beautiful wedding this weekend, something i never do as i usually find ceremony's of eternal comitment either excruciatingly boring or depressing. sometimes both. but this one rocked. (congrats taylor and marie-elizabeth!)

but now that i've been here two weeks, and i know my way around the city pretty ok, it's time to get back to work. talking to rives yesterday on the way to the catskils about poetry, spoken word, one woman shows and the (lost) art of storytelling it hit me that my show, coochie magic, really has no through story line, and i'd like to insert one. without giving too much of it away, i think the story will start with the etymolygy of the word whore (from the greek -i think- horae, which means holy) and tell the story of an ancient temple babe who fucked to get her holy on. there's an ancient tantric scripture that says something like, 'the more the yoni is used, the holier it becomes' and that concept is very central to the show. so a story that incorporates the idea of feminine sexuality as sublime, and women having sex the ultimate act of worhip. yeah. that's it....more later...christa

women in Spoken Word

2006-05-08T09:25:00.000-07:00

the following are a few answers to interview questions posed by columbia university student marbre who is writing a paper on women in spokenword:

1) i see myself as a revolutionist (which means i get to make up my own words, and often do because so many of our most beautiful words, like revolutionary, have been co-opted by the establishment to sell their ideology. think Revlon and "Revolutionary Color!") i come from many traditions, but feel myself most closely aligned with the black/africanamerican field slaves who would sing songs of revolt and escape disguised as spirituals ("hush now, somebody's callin my name") my work is an attempt to sanctify/recontexutualize the experiences of women by bringing them to the alter of the stage. that it is entertainment as well makes it subversive. i also come from preachers and sharecroppers both of whom are reknowned story tellers of the black american tradition.

2) at this point, the primary concern of my work is the sexual, spiritual and emotional condition of women. everything i write and perform is within the context of the revival of the feminine spiritual consciusness on the planet. i talk a lot about women and the sexual experience in my work (especially my new work) because i believe there's a link between how a woman feels about her vagina and it's experiences and the influence she has (or doesn't have) on the world. my piece, "coochie magic" talks about how fear, shame and guilt around sex (the experience of which is located at the second chakra which is where our creative center lies) has a major impact on how woman asserts herself and her concerns on an economic and political level.

3) the tradition of call and response requires the audience to be awake! to actually participate in the creation and experience of art. american audiences are so passive. we expect to be "entertained" and hand fed our emotional experiences.

call and response, which is a spontaneous tradition of the african and african american cultural experience, requires one to be invested in the process. it creates an exchange between the artist and the communinty that ultimately supports and sustains the creative impulse in the lives of everyone participating in the exchange. to borrow a phrase from alice walker, i call this, "posessing the secret of joy". who doesn't feel more beautiful, sexier, more intelligent, more joyful and closer to the image of the great creator (god) after they've collaborated on some magnificent piece of art?

Poet-Love in New York

2006-05-04T22:26:00.000-07:00

have been here since the 28th, when i performed at long island university with taalam acey, jive poetic, mo browne and sparla, as part of a "jam on it" show, and will be based in brooklyn, in an area called DUMBO for the rest of the spring/summer. new york is a beautiful...i'm living in the teentsy tiniest room in the history of teentsy tiny rooms at the back of my girl sienna's art studio in the HUGEST loft space/artist collective ever...we're making my room into a beautiful little cave of hot pink and turquoise, white candals, pillows baskets, and bright green bamboo stalks, since they don't need a lot of light, and bring good energy to any space.

already i've stopped eating sugar, been photographed by glamour magazine (get this-stopped on the street, with my girl from alaska to be photographed for the section of the magazine that's all about style around the country...guess who's rep'n nYc!? i called my style international, urban, bohemian goddess!...glamour asked me what labels i was wearing, i was like, um, you mean my purple aura? or the goddess pendants of yehmaya and lakshmi?), been asked to pose nude by a well known italian painter who has an entire show of nudes and NO BLACK WOMEN (haven't decided if i will pose or not), witnessed the most AMAZING, overwhelming, revolutionary and healing exhibit of kara walker's work -and poetry- at the MET, been turned away from a showing of basquiat's work (i wasn't on the list), discovered a new favorite drink (organic pink grapfruit and green algae...YUM!), grocery shopped at the new manhattan trader joe's, which, if you can believe it, had RUN OUT OF FOOD by the time i got there, and of course, fallen in "poet-love" love with (another) poet. what can i say? i love preachers (and every poet believes they are one) and engineers. my two weaknesses...and poet-love is so addicting.

it's concentrated and intense, wild like a dawn swirled with hummingbirds and bumble bees. poet love reminds me that i am just one syllable, just a note, in a world of full throated arias. and it stretches me, points me to the how of becoming a full sounding word (at least. real good poet-love shows you how to be a song.) it's mostly about having your heart touched with words and then also knowing that everyone being touched knows. yep. that's it.

this is about to be one heaven of a season...it's so late, i want to write more, but have been up since forever...more later...cbell

poem

2006-04-29T15:38:00.000-07:00

she is convinced that love is a crusade
the sacred war that never ends
her hair is the flag
her heart, a horse
she rides
drooping
and fat
the armor didn't fit
she stuffs a soldiers rations down her throat
to pad her skin
the darts fly
and then the spears
the bullets pierce
her heart keeps riding
this is holy
what warriors live for
the chance to die in battle
the blood of the enemy clinging to bits of scalp
scrunched inside the dark
of heroic fists
crisping to ash
atop funereal pyres

stream...

2006-04-18T11:53:00.000-07:00

have picked up julia cameron's 'the artist's way' again and turned straight to week 5: recovering a sense of possibility, which is perfect for where i am today, for the first time really feeling the low after being high and on the road for three and a half months. my low looks and feels a bit whiney, like, i'll never be like...or have ...or go...or do....

the exercises at the end of the chapter are killer. they are an exploration and expansion of my relationship to the "source" i.e. god-energy that makes everything happen...some examples:

start an image file: if i had either faith or money i would try...list five desires. for the next week, be alert for images of these desires. when you spot them, clip them, buy them, photograph them, draw them, collect them somehow. with these images, begin a file of dreams that speak to you. add to it continually...

and

if i were twenty and had money...list five adventures. again, add images of these to your visual image file.

and

ten ways i am mean to myself are...just as making the postitive explicit helps allow it into our lives, making the negative explicit helps us to exorcise it.

and

honestly, my favorite creative block is...tv, over-reading, friends, work, rescuing others, overexercise. you name it. whether you can draw or not, please cartoon yourself indulging in it.

and

my payoff for staying blocked is...

and

the person i blame for being blocked it....

and

list ten things you love and would love to do but are not allowed to do. your list might look like this:
1. get regular weekly massages
2. travel to india
3. scuba dive
4. move to a bigger place

etc.

then the wish list: speed write 10 wishes....

am procrastinating doing the exercises right now, cuz i like being depressed and whiney sometimes...more later...cbell

the truth about meditation

2006-04-14T18:31:00.000-07:00

so...ten days/ten nights at twelve hours of meditation/day equals the complete script to my one woman show: Coochie Magic: a SpokenWord Musical Comedy.

this was the first time i broke the rules. i've done s.n. goenka's vipassana retreat 8 times over the last six years and this was the FIRST TIME I BROKE THE RULES! up at 4am and meditating until 9pm, but this time, during the breaks, i WROTE MY ASS OFF!! I wrote my first full length show and composed five songs in less than 10 days (because i really was trying not to write!) anis mojani started the whole writing thing by TEXT MESSAGING ME TWO DAYS INTO THE RETREAT AFTER I CLEARLY TOLD HIM THAT I WOULD BE AT A 10 DAY SILENT RETREAT WHERE I WASN'T ALLOWED TO WRITE!!! i have a friend who told me just before i went in that i needed a 12 step program for text messaging. he calls me "two thumbs and a blackberry", because of the long ass letters i text him every week. matter of fact, i curated the entire common ground benefit by text message right before i went on retreat. the beautiful thing about texting is that it's more immediate than email and less committed than a conversation...which suits my intimacy issues just fine...i can talk to you without really, well, talking to you.

back to my sript though... the shyt is hilarious. for the last six years i've been working on a project called "56: memoire of a black girls sexual coming of age" and i tell you, it's the never ending story. and the thing is, i've been so attached to telling the story as a book. but one of my master teachers has been telling me for years that when you attach yourself to an idea of how something is, you cancel out a whole range of possiblilities for what it could be. so, at the retreat, i just let go of my memoir being a book and it came to me that since i'd been excerpting pieces from it as spoken word anyways, why not just transform it into a theatre piece?? brilliant-eh?

anyways...am excited to see where it goes. will be testing it out this summer at workshops and open mics around nYc. i've never done standup before so i'ma take some of the monologues to standup clubs too...we'll see how it goes...more later...cbell

The Forgotten Dialect Of The Heart

2006-04-10T11:58:00.000-07:00

this is my friend michael cirelli's favorite poem, and now i understand why i love him...

The Forgotten Dialect Of The Heart
By Jack Gilbert

How astonishing it is that language can almost mean,
and frightening that it does not quite. Love, we say,
God, we say, Rome and Michiko, we write, and the words
get it all wrong. We say bread and it means according
to which nation. French has no word for home,
and we have no word for strict pleasure. A people
in northern India is dying out because their ancient
tongue has no words for endearment. I dream of lost
vocabularies that might express some of what
we no longer can. Maybe the Etruscan texts would
finally explain why the couples on their tombs
are smiling. And maybe not. When the thousands
of mysterious Sumerian tablets were translated,
they seemed to be business records. But what if they
are poems or psalms? My joy is the same as twelve
Ethiopian goats standing silent in the morning light.
O Lord, thou art slabs of salt and ingots of copper,
as grand as ripe barley lithe under the wind's labor.
Her breasts are six white oxen loaded with bolts
of long-fibered Egyptian cotton. My love is a hundred
pitchers of honey. Shiploads of thuya are what
my body wants to say to your body. Giraffes are this
desire in the dark. Perhaps the spiral Minoan script
is not laguage but a map. What we feel most has
no name but amber, archers, cinnamon, horses, and birds.

BURNT

2006-03-20T07:03:00.000-08:00

i can admit when i've had enough. i've had enough. the WordMedicine power tour is winding down and i couldn't be more relieved...been on the road since january 3rd and leave for seattle by train today (because i need some time alone to write) and then, on the 22nd, off to b.c. for 10 day vipassana retreat...no performing, talking, debating, philosophising, writing or being "on" for 10 beautiful days...will hang out in vancouver with my fave people on earth afterwards until the 5th before i'm off to either nYc and long island university or salem, oregon and willamette college/university...only the shadow knows for sure...

have been asked to curate the spokenword component for a common ground benefit on april 20th in new oreleans for katrina victims. i've asked some of my fave poets to be down and so far, everyone except mighty mike mcgee will be able to come through...mercury is retrograde so really, this is a horrible time to be planning anything as important as a benefit, but clearly, nobody consults the stars anymore. not believing in merc retro is like not believing in spring. cycles happen whether you believe in them or not...at any rate, have to write a letter now to get an airline to donate travel vouchers for the event...wish me luck...or the proper alignment of stars...or pray for me...meditate...send good energy...whatever...thanks...more later...cbell

the ancesteral realm

2006-03-16T10:38:00.000-08:00

and speaking of getting high: in LA i met a cool ass poet named molly who will be connecting me with her mother who is a shaman living in maui...been wanting to experiement with soul retrieval techniques for a while and a shaman i know who lives in seattle was telling me that it is possible to access the ancestral realm in shamanic soul retrieval ritual and heal folk who haven't been able to complete the death transition.

you know how black people have a saying that goes something like, if you die poorly you don't stay in the grave? well, i heard a very wise woman speak a few years back about how hundreds of thousands of african's have died in states of trauma and extreme anxiety over the last 500 or so years that our psychic/spiritual realm is packed with these zombie like spirits who haven't been able to fully transition to the ancestral realm. and since there has been no mass healing or transitional or even acknowledgement ritual to guide them over to the other side, basically they are stuck in a kind of purgatory between worlds. we are haunted by spirits who aren't able to do whatever regenerative work ancestors do in the ancestral realm.

this makes sense to me. char sundust (the shaman in seattle) told me that it is possible to access this in between world and heal the traumatized spirits that live there. or at least access and teach enough of them to be healers so that they can do the work themselves. i'd like to know if this is true. so i'll be experimenting soon....more later...cbell

Mercury Retrograde

2006-03-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

WHY DOES MERCURY HATE ME SO MUCH??? i wonder if i stop believing in mecury, will he quit fuckin' with me...Mercury, the planet of communication and transportation is retrograde through the 25th of march and trans/comm is majorly jacked up in my world right now...my flight from LA to portland last night was delayed just enough to make me play the race card (and i NEVER play the race card!) on the customer service kid who was telling me, "sorry, it's not our fault. no you can not get a refund on your ticket. no you can not take an earlier flight. no you we can not switch you to another airline. no you will not be compensated for the performance you will miss at portland state university. no you can not speak to my supervisor. now please, step aside so i can help the other customers." to make a long story short, i staged a sit-in at the customer service counter until the agent found me another flight that would get me to my destination on time. wouldn't budge. just stood there and looked at him with, like, 10 people behind me in line waiting. so he got back on his little computer and found me a way to portland. LIKE HIS PUNK ASS SHOULDA DONE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!! (sorry...am rarely peaceful during merc retro...)

YAAAAY!! i made it! and the show was solid, but since i'm losing my voice and have caught some kind of travel bug from traversing 5 different climates in 10 days, have decided to rest in portland until the 18th and cancel 'a mic and dim lights' tonight back in LA.

the LA shows have been good, but the other night, at 'da poetry lounge' i was completely high on stage because i didn't think the cold medicine i'd taken was working so i took a double dose and then a claritin on top of that because my nose just wouldn't unplug!!

so right before i go on, i whisper to my sister, are you making faces at me, or am i just high on cold medicine?? she was like, OH MY GOD YOU'RE TRIPPING! HOW MANY DID YOU TAKE?? YOU KNOW HOW SENSITIVE YOU ARE TO DRUGS!!! but then she pulled herself together and was like, ok christa, ground yourself and focus. use the high, don't let it use you...so i'm up on stage confusing the angels with ghosts and trying to crack jokes between poems that are funny to me, but then forgetting the punchlines...coochie magic lasted for like, 10 minutes, because i lost all track of time, and then shihan was ready to pull me off the stage with one of those gong show canes because i kept going on and on...but apparently, i gave a stellar performance. solds lots of merch and was given major love all around...AND NOBODY KNEW I WAS HIGH!! wow...more later...cbell

Wilding In

2006-03-14T13:34:00.000-08:00

back in LA after; honolulu, boston/rhode island and a feature at the black rep theatre with the amazing iyeoka okeawa, and new york to reconnect with my girl sienna horton of the dumba collective, with whom i'll be travelling to morocco for the sacred music festival this summer, and mo brownes "jam on it: women take back the mic" feature (jabril, aka jimmiRe, aka jabrilectric, aka the guitar kid made an appearance at my feature and it felt just like home...ripped the holy set with electric guitar and beatbox and folks literally lost they minds...noteworthy performance by abana (you know, bar 13 abana!) who can SING HER ASS OFF! ...shows through the week including 2night at da poetry lounge and then a train back to seattle for one day before a 10 day retreat in canada (usual retreat at the northwest vipassana center was full...have to trek way north to meditate)...mercury is retrograde, so it's the perfect time to be wilding in...

i am revisiting the vipassana retreat (as taught by s.n. goenka), my 8th one in 5 years, after renouncing buddhism last year because of irreconcilable philosophical differences. namely that "life is suffering" (however you interpret that, it still sucks as a guiding principle) and that the ultimate goal is "enlightenment" or, a state of being other than this one i'm in now...am so much more intrested today in philosophies and experiences of immanence. so, i'm using it for my own purposes. it's still important to meditate, if only to be able to hear the heart and body more clearly, and to be better equipped to exist in the perfectly beautiful now. so i'll see if i can sit the 10 days just focusing on my breath and reminding my mind how to be still.

the retreat is 10 days long and the first three days are spent sharpening the mind by training it on the breath so that one is able to learn the technique of vipassana. the last seven days are spent doing vipassana with the last day learning a meditation called metta that helps ease one's transition back into the world.

we are up at 4:30 am to meditate, with short breaks for eating and walking throughout the day, until 8:00pm when there is a video lecture by the modern founder of the sect, s.n. goenka. that's about 12 hours of meditation each day. very intense. like me. this is how i rest...more later...cbell

2006-03-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

in boston today hanging out with iyeoka okeowa. we featured together at the black rep theatre in rhode island last night and absolutely wrecked it. tonight we saw dave chapelle's block party and it was BEAUTIFUL. eryhkah and jil scott singing the hook on 'you got me', lauryn hill and her effortlessly flawless voice, dave chapelle and all the "in kids" rappers wrecking shop. dead prez sounding relevant instead of just angry. it was like an extended music video and behind the scenes documentary rolled into one. good show.

+rest in peace octavia butler but early 50's is too young for black women to be dying from high blood pressure.

+the south dakota legislature just voted to ban all abortion, even in the case of rape or incest unless the life of the mother is in peril. it will probably go to the supreme court.

+students for choice reading tomorrow at columbia university in nYc

++ coochie magic interlude has evolved into a seven part instruction. will post the flypoets showcase recording (from last week in LA) in a minute.

more later...cbell

HONOLULU

2006-03-07T14:57:00.000-08:00

one of my major goals for the year was to learn how to surf. last year, in elle magazine, i think, i saw an amazing picture of the most peaceful woman riding an ocean wave and i was like, OH MY GOD! SURFING IS THE NEXT!!

i immediately recruited kfrock and we began planning a trip to costa rica where the surf diva's, an all womens surf camp, would teach us how to get down. the only problem was: i didn't know how to swim. which, to me, wasn't a problem. i mean, i've water skied, jet skied, rafted, and kayaked without knowing how. how deep could surfing be?

turns out, very deep. kealoha, the hawaii slam master, and his beautiful brother mike took me to the ocean and strapped a canoe sized surf board to my ankle. they were like, yo...you don't need to know how to swim, when you fall off, just grab the ankle strap and follow the line back to the board. the board will be your flotation device. you'll be fine.

er...yeah. the closer we got to the water the more questions i started asking, like: what if i die? and: are y'all trying to drown me??

i walked three feet out into the ocean with my surf board and decided that i should learn how to swim first (the ocean is mad scary). so kealoha took me to this little beach that was the ocean, walled into a pool by a stone cliff and he taught me how to swim! all the way. first i learned how to float. and then i learned how to tread water, then the crawl stroke and finally the breast stroke, which i can do for about 10 seconds at a time before i start complaining about how hard it is. it took me 7 minutes to jump off the cliff and into the water the first time, and about 10 or 15 minutes the second time. kealoha was so patient and loving! he jumped in first and then smiled up at me and encouraged me the entire time. he even climbed back up the cliff a few times to hold my hand as i made up my mind to jump. the little kids at the pool were cheering me on like, it's fun! don't worry! you'll be safe! come on! just jump! you can do it! here! watch me! SPLASH! SPLASH! SPLASH!!!

this is what i learned about myself:
1) it is uncomfortable for me to lose control of my body. to fly through the air with only kind eyes, water, and rocks to catch me..
2) letting go and trusting my teacher is hard.
3) i am afraid to be out of my element and i much prefer to be solidly planted on the ground where i know i can guide my movements.
4) ultimately i am adventurous and ready to transcend my limitations.
5) i have the absolute best luck with teachers in every area of my life.

give thanks to my master teacher kealoha wong for giving me the ocean!
give thanks to mama yehmaya for holding me safely in her body
give thanks to myself for the will to surrender
give thanks to land of hawaii.

ase...cbell

Detroit to LA

2006-02-27T20:55:00.000-08:00

tryna be cheap, it took me 10 or 12 hours to get from Detroit to LA (the ticket was something like $120) but i finally made it and am at my little sisters house for a few days before i head out to hawaii to feature at the honolulu slam for womens history month...the biggest one in the country...detroit was very good to me...stayed with cassie poe with daily special guest appearances by ben (you KNOW...BEN! Ben!) who is the most politically incorrect man i've ever known but who is also so hilarious, i forgave him...performed tons (more than what's posted on my schedule), did a youth performance workshop with nandi at youthville last thursday, attended the youth slam on saturday night, and hooked up with my new fave poet blair afterwards...kalimah's joint, pic nap, at the meetery eatery on fridays is the shiznit...very cool crowd and venue...christina archer set the whole detroit leg up so mad love to her for that...also: versiz took me to the best borders books in the world! it was like a revolutionary independent bookstore and i finally found "theatre of the oppressed" by agusto boal and also picked up natalie angiers, "woman. an intimate geography" because i'm a copycat and if roger bonair-agard is reading it, i wanna be down too...versiz also came up with the word "fonkgoddess" while helping me revamp my bio...am super exhausted now...was gonna go to a slam at green with my sister melany and her boyfriend kevin sandbloom but decided to stay home instead (I WOULDN'T BE SEEN...GREEN!) and watch the three little pigs starring jeff goldblum and billy crystal...more later...cbell

in this moment

2006-02-22T21:18:00.000-08:00

i am so happy to be here, in this body that i have chosen, with all it's little lines and crinkles, moles and marks...this body that is starting to creak in the morning when i get out of bed if i haven't stretched the night before...that has carried me through my entire childhood and the entire decade of my 20's...my body (the one i have chosen!) has loved me, even when i hated her...she has forgives my constant criticism and given me flawless skin...smiled at me with perfect teeth...she never ever gives in to sickness (ever! i am ALWAYS well!)...and no matter how much weight i gain or lose, she wears the clothes i choose as if she were the empress of the entire universe...yeah...she fly...and thick...and healthy...she comes magnificently whenever i call...and is the best kisser i know...so what am i doing with all this lusciousness? tonight; i am reading her poems, feeding her lemon pound cake, the kind with the crunchy lemony white frosting, stretching her, rubbing her with oil, and stroking her to sleep...because i have decided to love her...i am all that she has...

Black Power Vampires

2006-02-21T11:33:00.000-08:00

octavia butler, who as you know, has absolutely no sense of humor, is accidentally hilarious in her most recent novel, "fledgling". the story centers around a young, by vampire standards, girl (she's 53) who wakes, an amnesiac, in a cave to find her entire family and community has been destroyed: burned like in an alabama church bombing. the story is mostly a mystery where she follows various clues that lead her to the white, vampire supremist vampires who were responsible for the death of her family. the interesting twist is that, she is a genetic experiment. she was bred from a group of black women and as it turns out, because of the melanin in her skin, she is able to walk in the day light, unlike the non melanated vampires who slip into a coma by day.

i love the different takes that black folk have of the vampire mythology. i'm remembering tananarive dues book, "the living blood" that tells a vampire-esque story about a group of black people who became "vampires" (i don't believe they're called vampires in the book) by stealing the blood of jesus while he died on the cross, drank it, and whose main occupation was praying, meditating, and cultivating their supernatural powers in the undergrround stone churches of lalibela ethiopia. i haven't read jewel gomez's "the gilda stories" yet, but wesley snipes' blade also follows a similiar story where the black vampires are a sort of saviour of the world.

octavia butler explores race and class, and in fledgling, sex, in the most provacative of ways. i didn't mention that the 53 year old girl vampire is middle aged by human standards, but has the body of an 11 year old, yet none of the adult human men or women resist sleeping with her. very interesting. she also explores what a healthy polyamourous relationships can look like (whether you're human or vampire...more later...christa

what the cab driver knew

2006-02-19T18:28:00.000-08:00

is it me or does everyone hale crazyfantasticmystical cab drivers every time they need a ride? tonights was a shaman of the yaqui tradition. an old white man with choppy silver hair who wore a tiny skull for a ring. his wife was yaqui and she died last year giving birth to their child, who also died. she was a heroin addict whom he met at mardi gras sometime back in the 70's. he told me he was a healer and i asked him, being funny, if he drove cabs in between healings? very seriously he answered that the greatest healings took place in the cab. people needing someone to just listen to them, and through listening, he said, he helped them to hear themselves. and so as he pulled up to my hotel (am in st. paul tonight, performed last night at macalister college) i asked him for a healing. he told me that the source of my problem was that i am agitated. meditate, he said. and i laughed, thanked him, tipped $10 and and came to my room with the intention of following his instructions, but ended up watching ice skating instead...more later...cbell

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

2006-02-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

in austin right now and the entire neo soul crew was traumatized for me about my experience in houston...very funny, and sweet. I LOVE THIS VENUE! amazing poets, great audience and gracious host. shout outs: june (who is mama slam herself), kim aka 13 aka notorious 13, mike whalen, erica and brian...was invited while there to read at texas university for a love jones type of poetry night sponsored by the AKA's, the quietest, most demure group of southern bell type young women i've ever seen. i think there were a lot of pledges in the audience. lots of polite clapping and tentative smiles...they actually grasped their pearls when i did the "coochie magic" piece...oh! and i don't know why everyone and they mama felt the need to warn me about the san antonio crowd. i thought i would be booed off the stage or something, but they were great!! stayed with ria and taught her how to put together a ritual...i love her even though she fed me mexican food that completely ruined my stomach. and i had to stop every 10 minutes from san antonio to austin to use the bathroom!!!...and that might be TMI (too much information) but get this!: vocab, who was my ride into sanantonio, warned EVERYONE who met me that i had eaten bad mexican food and this is why i would probably have to leave the room, the table, etc. a million times! how embarrassing is that????!!! lol...more later...cbell

ishtar of babylon

2006-02-12T14:35:00.000-08:00

ishtar is the multilayerd babylonian creator goddess, the source of all life and embodiment of the power of nature. she is the giver of plenty, a lawgiver, a judge, the goddess of time as well as the goddess of both love and war. her name means "giver of light" and derives from her role as queen of heaven. she is the planet venus as both morning and evening star, and her girdle is the zodiacal belt. ishtar descends into the underworld and restores the vegetation god, tammuz, to life and thus restores fertility to the earth. as she descends she removes a veil at each gate. while she is underground all life on earth is depressed and notheing comes to life. ishtar is a multifaceted, powerful symbol of a forthrightt mode of being that is unafrad to venture into the depths of the underworld. she represents the creative feminine, active and strong.

--Michael Babcock

Roe V. Wade

2006-02-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

...and what it's really all about is the inherent divinity of woman. that, like the gods of the partriarchs, she has the absolute authority to create and destroy within the galaxy of her own body. this reality contradicts the teachings of the male religions that say woman is inferior in all ways to man, who is allegedly created in the direct image of god...yet man has no power over internal creation. none at all. so he has become a controller and a destroyer in the external realm. his laws are an attempt to regulate the divinity of woman. to somehow share in or control her connection to the universal womb...his wars are an assertion of his ability to control death (life)... his sense of powerlessness is deeply pathetic...

what do you think about this?

cbell

Tour Collage: Baton Rouge/Texas

2006-02-11T09:36:00.000-08:00

watched the L Word at a house party with every lesbian in baton rouge! ha! can't believe shane cheated on fine-ass carmen in truely the best most erotic sex scene i've ever seen...ever...tequila was the best show in the south so far...hosted by baton rouge slam master chancellor "xero" skidmore" who calls me mamanatrix because, as he says, i am both nurturing and bossy as hell (the capricorn in me)...good times...austin amazing...so much love...suzy lafolette hosted me and took me to the biggest whole foods market on the planet, where i wandered around in a daze (so much organic food: so little time!) until she rescued me and brought me back to her house... and even though her and her girl were HATING ON CARMEN (who i LOVE) i still respect them :0) ...back next wednesday...houston was absolutely kuh-razy!...invited by marcel murphy of the blackout arts collective and in the cipher before the show there was a group of about 40 folk, over half black men, and 90 percent of them (the men) were arguing that polygamy will be the salvation of the balck nation...i didn't even have an argument prepared...i mean, what do you say to that?...and there was one man (i would call him by name if i remembered it...he's the slam master, i think, for the houston slam) who very seriously opined that woman was only good for her uterus and to cook his food...they all walked out during my third piece, "for bashir"... the women, however, loved me...marcel was the only bruh defending my views (the women were absolutely silent) and they told him to gwan back to seattle with me...it would be funny if it were a cartoon or something...but it was real...on my way into corpus christi the sun was this huge flourescent circle of orange and pink and purple, like the suns you see in movies about the african savanna except, it shone from behind a veil of smoke from the oil refineries that line the highway... about to go fly kites on the beach with stephan...we are both ex-buddhists except, he is a philosopher and so, last night, we had to discuss the one million reasons why buddhism, as a philosophy, doesn't work for us...very funny...my show in corpus isn't until monday night, so i have a couple of days to just hang out...this is hard work...i feel like a travelling monk...more later...cbell

oh hip hop...

2006-02-07T18:16:00.000-08:00

by the way: been staying in hotels lately, and hotels have cable, and cable has BET, and i love a big ass as much as anyone, so of course i've been watching, but after tuning in recently for about five minutes, i must officially declare a moratorium on ignorance. sombbody (anybody!) has got to stop nelly. his latest offering is a video about "grills". not the kind you cook meat on, but the diamond and platinum fronts that so many of the rappers are wearing these days. sample lyrics:

got a bill in my mouth/like i'm hilary clinton

smile for me daddy/let me see ya grill/ i wanna see ya grill

how'd you get your grill that way? / how much you have to pay?

and then there was a lyric that i was too stunned to write down but said something like: wearing diamond and platinum teeth is how one shows the world that one is wealthy.

but even beyond the lyrics, the images of grin'n, coon'n, tom toe'n rappers with butlers handing them selections of grills on silver trays was just grotesque....have more to say on this, but am being called to perform...more later...cbell

life after iwps

2006-02-07T17:57:00.000-08:00

but wait...there's more!

bout 1:
buddy wakefield
christa bell
rives
iyeoka
Q
versiz
da minista
karen finley
and 4 other's who's names i don't remember right now...but the bout was fiya...my only critique is that everyone except for rives screamed their poems...i performed my ass off...did some new ish for the one minute piece (how to attract hummingbirds and butterflys), and then untitled for the four minute round...

bout 2 didn't get any better:
christa bell
andrea gibson
buddy wakefield...

you see where this is going....

first night i placed 5th in the first round and 6th in the second, second night i placed 5th in the 1st round and 1st in the second, after being talked out of quiting slam altogether by taylor mali when i learned that a poet who didn't even speak english scored higher than me on the first night. go head n laugh...that shit is funny...right? whatever...

iwps was fun for real though...the competition aside...mic mcgee won (after juaquin (and i'll spell his last name phonetically) c-wa-tuh-nae-ho lost due to a two second time penalty...you know i know that hurts...but check it...mic mcgee was so good, so hilariously funny and smart, that after his first piece i gave him his very own private standing ovation! that was the first time i'd seen him compete live and he's amazing...the final four were: juaquin, andrea gibson, mic mcgee and jared paul...all four of these poets deserved to win...stellar performances all around...i placed 14, which is what i placed last year...

am in baton rouge now for a feature at tequila (the BR poetry slam) and then off to austin much later 2night by bus...yikes...pray for me...more later...cbell

individual world poetry slam, charlotte, nc

2006-02-02T12:29:00.000-08:00

WWWWWHHHHYYYYYYYY???
this can not be happening.
my first bout is with:

rives (bar 13)
iyeoka (lizard lounge)
buddy wakefield (two time iwps champion)

What Would Zora Do?

2006-01-28T19:41:00.000-08:00

1/28/06
a funny thing happened today on the way to the zora neale hurston festival in eatonville, florida: i came to a fork in the road. on the right was a freeway sign that said in effect, "this way to a celebration of the legacy zora!" and on the left was a sign, equally bold (but somehow more sparkly), that beckoned, "today's your day to visit the MAGIC KINGDOM!"... i quickly conferred with my navigator and sister adventurer jennifer lisa, and before either of us could over think it, i swerved accross the freeway to take the magic kingdom exit...

in the spirit of zora neale hurston, we chose an adventure that neither of us had taken before, reasoning that zora would much rather us conduct an anthropoligical survey of the entertainment past times of middle america than sit through any boring tributes in her honor. also: we wanted to get on some rides! to make a long story short, we stayed for seven hours and spent our time stuffing our faces with corndog nuggets and ice cream and french fries and caramel apples and caramel corn and cheesy pretzel things, which we consumed while waiting for hours on end to get on a few measley rides, and counting the number of colored people in the disney cast of characters (we saw a dancing latina who was clearly passing for "other" and The Beast, waving on a float next to beauty. oh- and two colored men dancing in a court scene for cinderella, cuz you know, we sho' can dance!)...afterwards we both pledged that if we had children (and we were both so very happy in that moment that we didn't) we would NEVER EVER EVER bring them to disney world. it's fun for about 15 minutes and then it's like, GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!! the lights, the music, the costumes, the sugar, the weirdly depressed staff, bizarro...

1/29/06
next day jennifer lisa and i went to the cassadaga spiritualist camp in cassadega, florida. a very interesting service. we were late and the medium patricia aubrey-carpenter was speaking when we walked in. it was a wonderful message about trusting your feelings and being aware of putting yourself in denial, which i imagine is a great temptation for mediums/psychics raised in a culture where intuition isn't validated the way reason is. she also said that in a relationship, when one person feels something and doesn't speak, two people are hurt and the relationship becomes the opposite of authentic. she said that it takes courage to speak on what you feel and that it's helpful to "go within" to ask your true self for help. one thing that i liked very much and something that i am continuously working on is owning my own feelings in relationship. when you feel something emotionally, accept that you have a choice in feeling it and that the feelings belong to you. no one can make you feel anything but often we are operaing from conditioned responses that feel natural. consciousness resolves so much. be conscious of what triggers particular feelings and know that ultimately you have a choice to feel angry, depressed, violated etc. or not. sounds harsh when you're use to blaming things outside of yourself, but ultimately i feel this is correct.

after the service, there was another kind of meeting where a group of mediums one by one came up to a podium and singled out members of the congregation to "read". i was the first one. apparently i'm going to be famous and write books and have a huge following! hahaha! also, i have lots of spirit guardians around me and one in paricular, a woman, who is taking extra special care of me. in her living life she did the same thing as i do now, but wasn't allowed to be open about it because she was a woman. i'm thinking it was my paternal grandmother, grandma johnson, who was an evangelist but wasn't allowed to be a minister because in the tradition of christianity i grew up in (pentecostalism) women weren't allowed to preach...she wants to make sure i do...

on the way home, the tire blew out on the freeway, so while we were waiting for AAA to find us, we did a new moon ritual on the side of the road. the new moon is the time for doing seed planting ritual. a time to set your intention for what you want to make manifest in your life.

at cassadaga i had just bought these beautiful goddess cards with paintings on them by one of my favorite artists, the late susan seddon boulet. we both pulled a goddess to guide our intentions. i pulled hera, queen of the heavens, and jennifer lisa pulled eagle woman. then we both wrote out our intentions in the form of prayers to the goddesses and then we wrote affirmations for each others prayers as witnesses and read them. shortly thereafter, AAA came and towed us back to cocoa beach....more later...cbell

The Heat

2006-01-25T10:48:00.000-08:00

florida is off the hook! oh my god this weather is amazing...hot and thick and breezy with just enough wet...i rode a bike down the middle of the street while licking a cherryrainbow popcicle to the library this morning...where else can you do that in the middle of winter? lots of old folk and american flags everywhere...i wonder if one has anything to do with the other? am being taken care of by the lovely del rey beach slam master cassandra who blair raved about before i even got here.

performed at DADA in del rey beach last night...interesting crowd...i've never been heckled before...especially not by a drunkard...(except once, in bed, but that's another story)...and then, after the show, i listened very politely as a man i'd known for exactly 45 seconds relayed to me all the paralells beteween spoken word, and golfing. and you'd never know that there're so very, very, very, (zzzzz), very many. apparently, it's all about feeling what's going on in your body and relaying it via the poem, or the swing...it was actually a good conversation (although even the thought of golf bores me to eating--so i had a rare steak and horseradish mash)...very buddhist (the conversation, not the steak)...

have a show tonight at the funky buddah, and then tomorrow night at the orlando poetry slam...am on my way to the beach right now...do a lil ritual to yemaya, because coochie magic isn't always enough...more later... will post info about the prosperity plan in a few...cbell

The Poet, The Performances and the People (NorthEast, U.S.A.)

2006-01-23T11:21:00.000-08:00

so left nYc yesterday afternoon for DC and my BFFL (best friend for life), karen finneyfrock met me at my feature last night! she looked amazingly energized, and this is why: about two days ago she finished her first full length novel with a working title of, "the girls, the witch, and the dumbwaiter"....i've only read the first couple of pages but the shit is brilliant...imagine finneyfrock writing for children! the main character's name is "dickory-elle"...good stuff...she's converted her parents garage into a writing studio and, since leaving seattle to help care for her sister, she has been extraordinarily productive...tired as i was, we stayed up talking until 2 or 3 in the morning, and i, apparently, continued our conversation in my sleep...we figured out a formula for extreme productivity:
1) extreme emotional duress
2) complete isolation from all friends and support system other than family
3) a rent free space to create in and all financial worries taken care of
4) time

haven't written in a few days because the whole northeast experience is taking a minute to process...reconnecting with imani uzuri, my best friend for years...since way back in the bay area days...seeing how we've grown both as artists (Imani's show, Her Holy Water: A Black Girls Rock Opera was playing at Joes Pub the same night as my Urbanna feature) and as women...reconnecting with friends (sienna horton, my alaskan sunflower! and mo browne-too busy and popular for me as usual,but i love her anyways--) and lovers, old and new...comparing the then to the now, and processing what reflection i am casting in the world based on who is in my life now...seeing some of the most amazing artists in my craft perform;

roger bonair-agard with whom i can never spend enough time, or talk to long enough...even when he's making WHACK ASS aguments in defense of hitting another human being at bar 13 the other night...more on that later...but the bottom line is, YOU CAN NOT HIT PEOPLE ROGER!!...but still, i must admit...it's pretty sexy, in a primal sort of way, that he did...

rives--who'll be representing bar 13 at IWPS this year, and who also is the creator of 5 of the 8 mcdonalds happy meals narnia series pop up books! with 100,000,000 in circulation, i call him happy mealionaire now...

ainsley burroughs--astounding...the best writing about race and the african experience in america i've ever heard...and his love poems...wow...

rachel mcKibben--writes from her coochie...and like a black woman besides

tailor mali-- urbanna slam master, who was the first of new yorks big three to officially invite me to feature, and who officially has boasting rights to my new york performance cherry...

blair--acoustic, operatic, spoken word phenomenon

karen finneyfrock

sonya renee

oh! and C.R. AVERY!! vancouver, bc homie who collaborated with me twice while in new york. first at my urbanna show (check for word medicine - on the best of urbanna 2005) and then again at the nuyorican, who is so humble and supportive to be so fly! i haven't seen him perform in about four months and, i tell you, this man is on some other ish...he did this freak'n AMAZING 10 minute love poem at the nuyoricanon friday that somehow had as its center, nelson mandela's son dying from aids...how he centered a love poem around this is beyond me, but it was crafted so beautifully and puctuated with beatbox noise and a harmonica on the side...after last seeing him perform, i actually bought a harmonica which i, unfortuantely, had no room to pack (i know it's tiny, but you'd have to see my bag, half the contents of which i had to leave in nYc because it was just too much!)...i was honored by CR's contribution to my performances...

my feature at the nuyorican was filmed by the always supportive, since my VERY FIRST POEM, gabrielle boulaine who came all the way from buffalo, ny to do it! that's love...and she's hooking up the dvd as well...i love this woman...sometimes i feel like she's my mama...always brag'n on me to everybody!

the northeast has also been so much about making new friends and remembering my capacity for deep connection (thanks nathan p, thai freedom ford, and marie-elizabeth)...

new york, especially, has energized me creatively...i am anxious to get to florida where i'll be spending time with spiritualist, philosopher and poet, dr. jennifer lisa vest, who always encourages the writer in me...i need to write so badly...more later...christa...p.s.-the above photograph taken by inti st. claire, was shot in seattle at bumberslam 2004...

keeps going...and going...and going...

2006-01-14T15:11:00.000-08:00

last night at rob hylton's slammetry in new jersey, i featured with hbo def poet gemineye and reknowned dub poet osagyfoe...hosted by the always entertaining and terribly funny big mic (who, if you will remember, is my fave white poet in the world!)...crowd of about 80 people. the show was cool but the vibe was very butch...lots of posturing, rage, screaming etc...it's a wonder that so many women were in attendance...am always worried that the very limited and masculine rage/lust emotional location in performance poetry will continue to discourage women from feeling (and i mean that word literally) as if there is a place for them in the art. was glad to see so many people out listening to poetry...it's unfortunate that so much of it sounded the same...oh! except for ASHLEY! korean seoul sista extraordinaire and part of the youthspeaks (i think in jersey it's youthspeaks) posse...she RIPPED it in the slam...bigUP...

tonight am back in MA at the pioneer arts center in easthampton...it's an all bent (i.e. unstraight) lineup; myself, blair (who is totally stalking me!...everywhere i go, he's either already been there or is following me...we'll finally meet tonight!)...and maya hersh, a solid young poet that i had the opportunity to hear the last time a few days ago at my last show in northhampton...and then, i get to sleep in tomorrow before the lizard lounge in boston...OH! AND BEFORE I FORGET! WAS INVITED TO FEATURE AT AN EVENT WHERE CORNEL WEST IS THE KEYNOTE SPEAKER! very excited about that...more later...cbell

I Wish I Could Quit You: On Brokeback Mountain

2006-01-08T06:30:00.000-08:00

And How Homophobia Is Killing Black Women

saw brokeback mountain last night and, all hollywood hype aside, it was an amazingly touching tragedy about love and the culture of love in the american patriarchy.

a few weeks ago aaron mcgrude, my favorite cartoonist and creator of "the boondocks" comic strip ran a story line that had granddad (the conservative grandfather to huey, the black- nationalist, revolutionary, socialist grade-schooler who is the main character of the strip) craving a masculine, macho, good ol' boy kind of movie. he saw the previews to brokeback mountain and decided that it was about time there was a good old fashioned manly picture he could go see. he invites his neighbor tom, who is also black, to see the film with him and the strip shows the two of them marching to the theatre and preparing themselves to watch a movie that they repeatedly refer to as manly. meanwhile, huey is kind of like, um, are you SURE you want to see this film??

so they go to the movies and of course, the joke is that both granddad and tom are mortified that the picture is really about two cowboys who fall in love with each other. it culminates with grandad screaming at the screen, that's not manly!!!!

when i told my mom that i was going to see it she said, oh! me too! i've been wanting to go, maybe we could go together! and i was more direct than huey was with granddad. i told her that it was about a love story between two men and she was shocked and disgusted and, like, i'm glad you told me! and then something to the effect that she would never go see it and then, america is going to hell with gasoline panties on...

after the movie, i went out with a friend, also a black man, who is one of the most progressive men that i know. i came out of the theatre gushing about how beautiful and sad the movie was and he was visibly uncomfortable even discussing it let alone seeing it.

the night before, in new jeresey, i was out with a group of black folk, among whom was a man who's views about homosexuality, specifically among men, were so primitive as to be dangerous in general, but very specifically, i decided, to black women. to illustrate, during the course of our conversation about homosexuality in the black community, he called homosexuals; fuck'n flowers, doo doo chasers, cream puffs, yodels, ass mongers, bull daggers, carpet munchers, box chower's and, because of my defense of them which included outing myself as bisexual, christa bell's.

although the above sounds very hateful in the telling, his delivery was actually very comedic and everyone at the table, although shaking their heads at his insulting language, also laughed, if reluctantly, with him. several of the women dismissed him as homophobic and refused to engage with him about the matter. i, on the other hand, and perhaps irrationally, blamed him and his attitude as the main reason that black women have the highest new incidence rate of HIV infection in america. the climate of homophobia in the black community has made it such that the "DL" or "Down Low", the phenomenon where black men are sleeping with other men and with their wives and girlfriends at the same time, is so common that among heterosexual black women, there are entire cities and states that are considered absolutely unsafe to meet and have a relationship with a man in. these men do not consider themselves gay, as they do not lead a "gay lifestyle", they are just "men who sleep with men". unfortuanately they are doing it without protection and coming back and infecting black women with disease...and on and on and on...but here's the thing:

how do pro sex black people have zero tolerance for homophobia without isolating the majority of the community. when telling my zero tolerance girlfriend about the above conversation, she immediately shut down emotionally, got extremely judgemental about the man cracking jokes about gay people, called him an asshole and rudely cut our conversation short about the matter saying something to the effect that she didn't want to be traumatized by this mans ignorance...and i guess that's one way for black people who believe themselves progressive, to deal with homophobia. but isn't that just as dangerous as the out and out gay bashing?

am thinking about this today...more later...cbell

On the 4th day, she rested

2006-01-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

talk about rockstar!...jetted (by bus) from boston early friday morning (simone drove me back from rhode island feature the night before) to central jersey feature...ended up getting there hella early but grouchy ass flowmentalz of the port africa slam, held me down...before i forget, big mic! you're my favorite white poet in new jersey boo...no one even comes close!!!!...the feature was solid...included, for bashir, the coochie magic interlude, a poem for wangari mathai and word medicine cuz i wanted to test those out on an all black audience...pulled a beatbox out of crowd for wordmedicine and it was niice...there was an african woman from nigeria who was there who let me know that she thinks my work is relevant and important to women on the planet. she said, as i have so many times, that the main issue confronting women today is that of low self esteem. anything, she said, that can bolster our confidence in ourselves is very necessary.

on a completely unrelated and much shallower note, some things i forgot to mention about boston; they have two urban outfitters and one has three stories!! the architecture is beautiful AND i felt 10 times smarter than i am just being in the vicinity of harvard and mit...more later...cbell

Youth Grand Slam Qualifier in Providence, RI

2006-01-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

AS220 in providence was off the hook! the youth poets were brilliant! so open and vulnerable...one poet named keean said something beautiful about living vicariously through himself...thought that was dope...the winner was aaron (don't have last name) and he will go onto the grand slam with 7 other youth poets on the 27th of the month, i think. mo browne is the feature that night...should be a hot show.

corrina bain breaks my heart everytime i hear her read (she was the sacrificial poet for the big people's slam) and iyeoka was amazing as well. i love to hear great poetry from women who also own the stage and whatnot...

came back to boston tonight with simone and leave tomorrow early to get to new jersey for tomorrow night.

simone made me banana bread and packed me a lunch with two slices and plenty goldfish crackers...i love her...more later...cbell

FIRST STOP BOSTON & THE CANTAB LOUNGE!

2006-01-05T12:35:00.000-08:00

actually, my first stop was newYorkcity where i'll be based for the three weeks i'm in the northeast. a friend who lives here once told me that in new york, there is a little man who walks around collecting a "leaving the house" tax each you time you walk outside. it's that expensive. and so much to buy! imani uzuri, who has graciously opened her home to me to act as my NE base, warned me on my way to catch the trainstation to bowery and canal. christa, baby, she said, you're gonna have to stay focused as you walk down canal. don't get distacted by all the glitter. you only have 1/2 hour to get to the bus! and thank earth she warned me! i had to walked down canal like i had blinders on. it just wasn't fair...all the screaming bright fake balenciaga's calling my name like, christa! over here! just a quick peek!!!, and then the sparkly bohemian cloth bags from pakistan, india and morocco...the booths with trays filled with silver and brass trinkets, the hot pink paisley wraps and more fake designer bags...and all the booth patrons shouting, for you!? only $30...make it $25, but this is my lowest price!]

i know it sounds like i did a little more than just peek but i swear i made it to my bus on time!

before i left, my boy soulchilde, aka okanamede, told me about a super cheap bus that'll take you from chinatown new york to chinatown boston for $15 (i didn't learn that chicken cages--with chickens in them!-- frequently rode this bus until after i arrived in boston). the name of the bus is the Fung Wah bus line and it runs every hour all day long.

i slept the entire way to boston, hopped on the subway to mass ave and arrived at the cantab around 7pm.

i normally don't eat before i perform but was starving, so i ran next door to a college-town sort of indian place called the ghandi restaurant and had a thin but lovely cup of lentil soup (spiked with ginger!), a round of kalcha (a leavened flat breat with butter) and, my favorite, an amar lassi, which is like a smoothie made with sweet yogurt and fresh mango juice over ice, served in a glass that is usually too small!

then i was back at the cantab where i sat through about two hours of the best open mic i've ever been to. normally at open mic's, by the end of 15 minutes i astrally project myself into another, happier situation as far from the stage as possible (like, maybe lithuania or some place), but the cantab poets were niiiiiice! funny, smart, well spoken and intresting. i was only bored very occasionally!

my feature started at about 10:30...i wrecked it, sold lots of merch, had a great conversation with a senegalese man, who is bound to be a good friend, about islam and the tradition of patriarchal/colonial religions in africa, and was out!!

i'm staying with a wonderful woman named simone beaubien who is the very engaging slammaster at the cantab! we stayed up til the break of dawn eating pasta, goldfish crackers and apple jacks, talking about saturn return (she's in hers), men who want to get married, and how to reinterpret the scary traits of the parent we're most afraid of to serve who we are and wish to become today.

we're off now to harvard square, i think, to look for a calendar for me, and then it's on to providence for tonights feature....more later...cbell

WORDMEDICINE 2006 SPOKENWORD TOUR

2006-01-03T13:05:00.000-08:00

a friend just told me to consider that anxiety and excitement feel the same, it's just a matter of how one chooses to interpret the emotion...so, i've decided to be excited and not nervous...how 'bout that?...right now i'm washing clothes and packing. got my chapbooks from the printer over the weekend but still have to p/u cd's to take on the road...i only want to take one bag with me, because it'll be easier to travel with, but it's looking like with the merch, i'll need two...have a checklist a mile long of all the things i need to do before i leave including pay rent...have been very fortunate and have received lots of monetary support for this venture...so i guess i'm on the path...launch party tonight at the mirabeau room...will try to blog every day while on tour...more later...cbell

PRE TOUR JITTERS

2005-12-20T10:35:00.000-08:00

It has become a common feeling, I believe, as we have watched our heroes falling over the years, that our own small stone of activism, which might not seem to measure up to the rugged boulders of heroism we have so admired, is a paltry offering toward the building of an edifice of hope. Many who believe this choose to withhold their offerings out of shame. This is the tragedy of our world. For we can do nothing substantial toward changing our course on the planet, a destructive one, without musing ourselves individual by individual, and bringing our small, imperfect stones to the pile."

--Alice Walker

i feel like i'm having second thoughts about getting married or something. wordmedicine 2006, my first spoken word tour, jumps off on january 3, 2006 with a tour launch party at the seattle slam at the mirabeau room on lower queen anne and will run through march 31st. i'm anxious and nervous and scared. over the last four months, as i've planned and organized with the help of my good friend heidi jackson, i've playerhated/cockblocked on my own self by becoming involved in a number of relationships that sucked the energy and with it, the ambition out of me. earlier this year i wrote about how obsession is used to placate fear in the artist. that instead of being powerful in my art, which i do consider a ministry, i find people and situations to give my energy to that suck up my soul, and with it my motivation to make art.

but i'm finding also that consciousness brings resolution. the more i bring my attention to my fear of sharing my words with the world, the smaller the fear gets. sometimes, i think, fear just needs a little attention. just like, hey, what's go'n punkin?, instead of the constant struggle to outrace/outwit it. that's it for now...i am more ready today, than i've ever been in my life.

thanks to my boy ókànomodé for the above quote from alice walker...ONE...christa

TO CLEVEL & RENTON HIGH SCHOOL

2005-12-09T09:05:00.000-08:00

so here's the link i promised you to youthspeaks seattle!

http://www.youthspeaks.org/seattle/

my boy matt gano runs the writing circle every tuesday night at the langston hughes cultural art center on yesler...starts at 7:00 and it's AMAZING!

thank you for having me out to read...apologies for not having any "DON'T BE A FOOL, STAY IN SCHOOL!" poems, but it was good to see that y'all was feel'n me anyway. i'll have paypal up in a few days so if you weren't able to get cd's/books last night (or this afternoon), keep checking the site...blessings...christa bell

boise state university

2005-11-15T10:46:00.000-08:00

made it to idaho a couple of hours ago and, despite being on the front page of the life (arts) section of the idaho statesman this morning, the klan wasn't waiting at the airport for me! lol...seriously, friends and family both were like, 'you sure you wanna be out there in iowa? -idaho!, i corrected- i heard the kkk hold steet meetings on sundays!'

i will be reading at boise state university this afternoon at 1:40, speaking to a small group of graduate students afterwards, and then reading at the boise poetry slam tonight. i've been warned that boise state considers itself to be very literary and so having a performance poet read will be something of a curiosity for them.

the boise poetry slam is held at a comedy club called 'the funny bone' and tonight, right before my feature, auditions will be held to find the world's funniest mom. so moms from all over idaho will be telling funny stories about their children right before i get up to read...should be interesting.

my host is a wonderful woman named cheryl maddalena whom i met in 2004 at the national poetry slam in st. louis. she was on the berkeley team then with jaylee and co. and was a million months pregnant and glowing like a sunset when i last saw her. i didn't recognize her until after we'd talked for about an hour and in a flash i remembered this AMAZING poem she performed at semifinals about having had a cesarian section.

i'm excited to read a new piece i've been working on over the last few weeks about the mythological and ideological orgins of narcissim, loneliness and emotional/verbal abuse in western culture. it isn't finished, but i think the reading will help me find a resolution for it
which i believe, is much healthier than living through the relationship that inspired it....more later...christa

WITHOUT A DOPE BEAT TO STEP TO

2005-11-14T14:35:00.001-08:00

i know, it's been a long time....here's the thing...in between blogging about life, i am actually living it and the last few weeks have been pretty crazy for me. the wordmedicine 2006 spoken word tour is almost completely confirmed and i'll be posting my new schedule in a few days. in addition to booking, i've been competing, giving workshops and performing all over the place. tomorrow i leave for idaho and then wednesday i'll be in alaska performing and giving workshops through sunday...have lots to say, but wanted to post an email i got this morning (more later):

Dear Christa Bell,

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a sophomore at Western Kentucky University majoring in English. I do slam with the Bowling Green slam team.I had the pleasure of seeing you perform this summer at the National Poetry Slam in New Mexico. When you performed in finals, I just remember being spellbound by your words and your presence. It was as if a goddess had walked into the room and decided to share her knowledge with us.

Since then, I go to your website almost daily and listen to your performances. They are so encouraging. Your words get to the very heart of me. This year I've been struggling to love myself again. It seems that I continually look to others for validation. I know this must change. When I read and listen to your poetry, loving myself seems possible; Reclaiming myself seems possible.

Thank you for being such a powerful woman.

Sincerely,
Saeed Jones

it's been a long time

2005-11-14T14:35:00.000-08:00

Dear Christa Bell,

Allow me to introduce myself. I'm a sophomore at Western Kentucky University majoring in English. I do slam with the Bowling Green slam team.I had the pleasure of seeing you perform this summer at the National Poetry Slam in New Mexico. When you performed in finals, I just remember being spellbound by your words and your presence. It was as if a goddess had walked into the room and decided to share her knowledge with us.

Since then, I go to your website almost daily and listen to your performances. They are so encouraging. Your words get to the very heart of me. This year I've been struggling to love myself again. It seems that I continually look to others for validation. I know this must change. When I read and listen to your poetry, loving myself seems possible; Reclaiming myself seems possible.

Thank you for being such a powerful woman.

Sincerely,
Saeed Jones

christa in love

2005-10-08T15:23:00.000-07:00

ok...SERIOUSLY THIS TIME...i think i'm in love...and she's AMAZING...more later...cbell

UM....

2005-10-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

"brown leading the brown" is a joke. i'm not really doing an album with lara...we were just pretending to be pimps in dax's car...sorry for the confusion...cbell

Brown Leading the Brown

2005-09-29T11:46:00.000-07:00

at the arts corps retreat on bainbridge island in dax's pimped out WHITE CADDI with RED LEATHER INTERIOR that he bought off ebay...(just figured out how to post photo's on this joint!!...)

bye bye karen finneyfrock!!! i'll miss you!

2005-09-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

i stepped in dog poo this morning on my way to a meeting with art patch...what kind of an omen is that?

and speaking of dog poo...today IS a poopy day! karen finneyfrock, slam master for the last four years at the seattle slam is saying goodbye to seattle tonight at the mirabeau room:0(...she's featuring for the last time before she moves back east to help take care of an ailing family member. daemond arriendale will be taking over as slam master and d-nice will be taking over as host...there will be a special reading of "welcome to the butterfly house" tonight by some of seattle's hottest poets...i'll be bringing cake and a goodbye poem...more later...cbell

how to date a poet long distance

2005-09-22T16:33:00.000-07:00

1) call her 5 times/day just to say you're thinking about her.
2) set up a "date" where you both rent the same movie and then watch it together while eating pop corn.
3) sing a love song on her answering machine.
4) cook her favorite meal and eat it while talking to her on the phone.
5) ask her what she's wearing every time you talk.
6) write her letters as well as emails. decorate the letters with fancy stamps, scent them, draw hearts all over the place.
7) send her presents.
8) let her know in detail what you would like to do the next time you see her.
9) talk about your feelings. get open in your heart.
10) ask her difficult questions about herself that she has to think about.
11) ask her to read you her favorite poems.
12) read her yours.
13) think of something fun to argue about, start a lovers quarrel and then make up...all by phone.
14) send her a plane ticket, a love poem, and a really beautiful pair of panties to wear on the flight.
15) use your imagination...

the young women are waking up

2005-09-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

from an email i just opened:

dear christa bell,
i have never met you. trust me though, when i say i have so much to
thank
you for this summer. i saw you perform earlier this year at western
washington university, where i am a student of creative writing. you
shared
your poem "the too much," and it was the first time a performance of
any
kind has brought tears to my eyes. at that moment, although i was
awestruck,
i had no idea i would be referring back to it for comfort so many
times.
fast forward several months, and like many 21 year old women, i had
forgotten that a man's actions are only a reflection of himself, and
not a
reflection of the woman he is directing them towards. at many times
this
summer, i was tempted to call a particular man asking him why i wasn't
enough. but i made a deal with myself: everytime i wanted to pick up
the
phone, i would listen to "the too much" and if i still wanted to make
the
call i could. i never called. just knowing that even women as talented
as
yourself are not immune to these feelings, makes me stronger. "the too
much"
has allowed me to respect myself more as a woman, and appreciate the
fact
that saturation is found in everything i do. thank you for that. i am
also
really excited because my college is offering a slam poetry class this
quarter. it will be interesting. that is for sure.
~christina

_________________________________________________________________

THE VERBALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

2005-09-17T09:52:00.000-07:00

victim? who me? perpetrator? ME???

i am the queen of "issues"; knowing and processing my own and spotting, analyzing, and holding others in my life accountable to theirs, but there is one issue that somehow i've been able to overlook. that is, until i encountered it over a period of about 7 days, in three very distinct and seperate instances in my life with a good friend, my sister, and a person i was intrested in dating. i was walking around as dazed as if i'd just escaped a street fight and asking myself, what the hell is going on in my life right now? verbal abuse (in it's multitudinous forms) was a daily experience for me while growing up and i was realizing that for all these years i have both normalized it and denied or been unaware of it's impact on my self-esteem.

enter east/west books. two weeks ago, i am browsing the used section while thinking about my little sister, whom i hadn't seen in two years, and the cruel and undermining things she said about me to a good friend of mine who she'd just met, a man to whom i was weirdly attracted who blew up at me in a restaurant on our first date, snapped at me over the phone afterwards, and who didn't answer an email i wrote telling him his combativeness and sarcasm hurt my feelings, and a good friend who literally screamed at me, discounted my experience of our disagreement, and repeatedly attempted to emotionally batter me into submitting to her interpretation of events.

i came across a book titled "the verbally abusive relationship" by patricia evans that i picked up frowning and shaking my head like, no, this can't be it. i mean, the last week has been weird and crazy and emotionally volitile but, maybe it was the moon or that my dad was in town...anything but this....

i flipped it opened it and remembered that being able to name a thing can in itself be miraculously healing.

the book is written using male/female intimate relationships as the model in which verbal abuse occurs but i believe that the following can be applied to determine abuse in any relationship. the categories of verbal abuse evans defines are:

1) withholding- a choice to keep virtually all one's thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams to oneself and to remain silent and aloof towards one's partner, to reveal as little as possible, and to maintain an attitude of cool indifference.

2) countering- when the abuser sees his partner as an adversary and only seems able to thinkthe opposite of his partner. countering is one of the most destructive to a relationship because it prevents all possibility of discussion, it constantly denies the victim's reality, and it prevents the partner from knowing what her mate thinks about anything.

3) discounting- denies and distorts the partner's actual perception of the abuse and is, therefore, one of the most insidious forms of verbal abuse. the victims feelings and experience are wrong, they are worth nothing. (i.e. "you're making a big deal out of nothing", you don't have a sense of humor", ''you blow everything out of proportion"etc.)

4) verbal abuse disguised as jokes- disparaging comments disguised as jokes often refer to the feminine nature of the partner, to her intellectual abilities or to her competency.

5) blocking and diverting- specifically controls interpersonal communication. the verbal abuser refuses to communicate, establishes what can be discussed, or withholds information. blocking may be by direct demand or by switching the topic. diverting never answers the partners questions in a thoughtful and considerate way (accusatory, defensive, divisionary etc.)

6) accusing and blaming- a verbal abuser will accuse his partner of some wrongdoing, or of some breach of the basic agreement of the relationship, blaming his partner for his anger, irritaion, or insecurity.

7) judging and criticizing- the verbal abuser may judge his partner and then express his judgement in a critical way. if she objects, he may tell her that he is just pointing something out to be helpful, but in reality he may be expressing his lack of acceptance of her. criticism disguised as help or advice is abusive.

8) trivializing- says, in so many words, that what you have done or expressed is insignificant. when done in a frank and sincere tone of voice, it can be difficult to detect, so that the partner is left feeling depressed and frustrated but isn't quite sure why.

9) undermining- witholds emotional support and erodes confidence and determination. sabotaging and direct squelches (i.e. "who asked you?", "it's over your head" 'you'll never make it"etc. ) are common.

10) threatening- manipulates the partner by bringing up her greatest fears. verbally abusive threats usually involve the threat of loss or pain.

11) name calling- self explanatory

12) forgetting- involves both denial and covert manipulation. the declaration by the abuser that what occured didn't occur.

13) ordering- denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. when the abuser gives orders instead of asking respectfully for what he wants, he is treating his parnter as if she were automatically available to fulfil his wishes.

14) denial- i never said that, you're making that all up, we never had that conversation, you're getting upset about nothing, i don't know where you got that, you've got to be crazy when , he did day that, she's made nothing up, they did have that conversation, she's upset about something, her experience is real, she's not crazy.

15) abusive anger- when the abuser vents his anger on his parner, and releases the underlying tension he feels from his sense of personal poerlessness. as a result, the partner feels bad and the abuser feels good.

then she goes into addictive anger and then how to respond to verbal abuse, keeping the focus on the one experiencing the abuse as opposed to the abuser.

much more to say about this, and will post more later....cbell

SCHEDULE UPDATE

2005-09-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

ok, so here's the deal, my beautiful and amazing genius friend, inye wokoma, who not only took the photographs for my site, but actually put the whole thing together and updates my schedule etc. does everything pretty much gratis. so i am hesitant to bother him with minor requests like, "i sent you the wrong dates, so can you please fix it?" so here's the deal, a fully updated schedule will be up in another week or so...in the meantime the canadian dates are WRONG (thank you to everyone who emailed me to let me know).
the vancouver dates for next week are:

Sunday 9/18 @ cafe momarte, double feature with JACK McCARTHY, i go on around 10pm

Monday 9/19 @ cafe deux soleil, feature at the Vancouver Poetry Slam, i go on around 9pm

Saturday and Sunday 9/24-9/25: arts corps retreat @ port townsend, wa

my mom is always like, "what are you "retreating" from? it's not like you have a JOB!!"
"mom," i says to her, "my LIFE IS MY WORK!"
"hmph..." she says under her breath, trying not to judge me...

more updates to come, but they will be posted under schedule...my resolution for the new year is to become more tech savvy so that i can update my own damn schedule...sike...cbell

HAMLET X

2005-09-16T12:07:00.000-07:00

not to take all the credit for the success of this show BUT i did hook my boy tyrone up with minister hamlet (aka joseph mascorella who is getting rave reviews!!! ) will be doing the box office stuff for hamlet x on saturday before heading up to vancouver for features at cafe momarte (sunday night) and cafe deux soleil (monday-home of the the vancouver poetry slam)...check the link for HAMLET X, an adaptation by tyrone brown of shakespeare's Hamlet as el hadj malik el shabaz (malcolm x)...cbell

http://www.livejournal.com/users/zancro/89529.html

Tyrone Brown
Artistic Director
BROWNBOX Theatre

unrequited love/obsessions and artists blocks

2005-09-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

one of the main texts i use in my creative recovery workshop is "the artists way" by julia cameron. it's like a twelve-step program for blocked creatives (except it doesn't speak in negative affirmations, i.e. i am an alocholic, i have no power over alcohol etc., which is what really disturbs me about 12-step programs) and i couldn't recommend it more highly!

well, this morning i was talking with a girlfriend, who is just about as brilliantly creative as it is possible to be, and we started in on how we sometimes use our preoccupation with relationship, specifically those of the unrequited variety, to stall, stunt and sabotage our creative projects. we were talking about the power of obsession and how it is really a block of fear. and then i remembered this amazing chapter that i read a few months back in another of julia cameron's books called, "the vein of gold". i ran to my bookshelf and found it immediately, and then -get this!- i opened directly to the chapter titled "obsession"!!

here is some of what she has to say:

For blocked creatives, unrequited love has a purpose: it keeps us from loving ourselves. If we don't love ourselves, then we don't deserve any of the adventures, achievements, and accomplishments we might deserve if we were lovable. So pick somone unresponsive, and the payoff is terrific in terms of inertia and the increased capacity to stay stuck...

Wondering takes a lot of time and even more energy. an ambiguous love affair, the kind that leaves you craving more, is by definition addictive. Scientists have long known that sporadic reinforcement will habituate a rat to a desired behavior far more effectively than steady reinforcement will. Ambiguity is always addictive. Put cheese at the end of a maze every time and the rat loses interest in the cheese. Put it there only so often and the poor rat will race to see what's there.

Ironically, sporadic reinforcement is exactly how the rats we love condition us. We make them the focus of all our love. They pay us back for all this attention every so often and...oh, rats! We get hooked.

We get hooked by the stop/go. By the off again/on again. By the chimera, the shadow dance of a now-you-see-it/now-you-don't affair...Many of us use it ot avoid our own creative lives...

Obsession is almost invariably linked with procrastination. In fact, the most surefire way to break obsession is to move into the creative act you are avoiding...

i begin most mornings with conversations like this...more later...cbell

in the last 21 days i have...

2005-09-12T19:35:00.000-07:00

1) discovered that i DO believe in love at first site and that it CAN actually happen to me!

2) discovered that love at first site does not last past second site when what really attracted me was the shadow of a particular primary relationship, and his fear of or inability to bond emotionally. i am now asking the questions, "how do i give and receive love?" and where did i learn to do it? i am asking, what are the things i do to prevent myself from being loved?

3) taught my HIAPA (healing is a political act creative recovery workshop series) at an official healing retreat on gambier island off the coast of vancouver, british columbia (www.ferngully.com)...was a great success!!! (student blurbs to come:0)

4) booked the ENTIRE month of january for my WordMedicine 2006 tour (including urbanna, the nuyorican and bar 13!!!!).

5) hung out with 2005 national poetry champion sonya renee, who is my new favorite woman (mobrowne, if you're reading this, you have been elevated to new favorite BEING, so can i have another friend please???)

6) not mentioning any names BUT i also cuddled with the sexiest poet on earth (not sonya renee:0)

7) LOST bumberslam when $1000 would've felt so good right about now.

8) helped to organize fundraising efforts for the new orleans slam team

9) got my 5oth invitation to join my space.

10) discovered that pisces, though sexy as hell, may not be one of my love signs after all...and i'm a little sad about it...

more later...christa

why bush should apologize for his role in drowning new orleans

2005-09-03T15:33:00.000-07:00

"Why Bush Should Apologize For His Role In Drowning New Orleans"
by Van Jones

Don't say that a hurricane destroyed New Orleans. Hurricanes blow down buildings. They do not drown cities. It was a "perfect storm" of a different kind that put that great city underwater: Bush-era neglect of our national infrastructure, combined with runaway global warming and a deep contempt for poor African-Americans. The result: catastrophe.

The flooding was not due to heavy rains. It is a result of a weak levee -- one that was in mid-repair when the storm hit. And that levee, which has held back floodwaters for time beyond memory, collapsed for one simple reason: Bush refused to fix it last summer, when local officials were begging him to do so.

Instead, he diverted those funds to the war effort. In other words, the dollars that could have saved New Orleans were used to wage war in Iraq, instead. What's worse: funds that might have spared the poor in New Orleans (had those dollars been properly invested in levees and modern pumping stations), were instead passed out to the rich, willy-nilly -- as tax breaks. With those two simple steps, Bush squandered the hard-won Clinton-era surplus. And thus he left the national piggy bank empty for fixing and maintaining basic U.S. infrastructure.

Bush owes the country an apology for under-funding our critical infrastructure.Had the levee repairs been completed on time (two years ago), Katrina would have hit hard, destroyed buildings and probably taken some lives. But it would NOT have cracked open the floodwalls and submerged the entire CITY. It took Bush's criminal neglect of his domestic duties to produce that outcome.

But that is only one area of Bush's culpability. Ross Gelbspan says: "Katrina began as a relatively small hurricane that glanced off south Florida, [but] it was supercharged with extraordinary intensity by the relatively blistering sea surface temperatures in the Gulf of Mexico."In other words, global warming likely super-charged this hurricane. Yet Bush's energy policies amount to an ongoing conspiracy to add even MORE carbon to the atmosphere, further destabilizing the climate. So get ready for even worse storms next year, and the next. And the next.And the human suffering was not -- and will not be -- equally distributed.

Poor people and Black people didn't "choose to stay behind." They were left behind. All evacuation plans required the city's residents to have working, private cars -- plus gas money, nearby relatives or funds for a hotel stay. And if you didn't have all those things, tough luck. Government agencies should have helped the destitute flee -- even those who couldn't afford a car or a motel room. But when the "face of suffering" is Black, somehow our high standards for effective action and compassion begin to sag. Of course, seeing this, Bush could have taken a strong stand on the side of the poor and the suffering. But his half-hearted, emotionally-flat statement on Wednesday did little to rally the nation. It seems that, unless "the terrorists did it," Bush just can't get himself too worked up about Americans dying by the thousands.

So tonight, our sisters and brothers are perishing. And many in uniform who could help them are half-a-world away, killing and dying in Iraq. So it is that, on top of five years of foolish policies that set the city of New Orleans up for this disaster, we are now witnessing a monumental leadership failure in the Bush White House. And we must tell the truth about it. Some will say that this is no time for the "blame game" or "divisive politics." Pardon me. To the contrary: this is exactly the time to draw a line between those who fought to invest wisely in this country -- and those who happily squandered the national treasure on give-aways and imperial adventures.

Progressives must not be hemmed in by some false "unity" with a President whose policies are largely to blame for this disaster. In the short term, we must press the federal government to rescue all the people. Then, we must demand an immediate repeal of the tax cuts -- to enable rebuilding in New Orleans and repair of the nation's crumbling infrastructure. Lastly, let’s insist that any Louisiana and Mississippi guardsmen who want to return home from Iraq to aid their communities be allowed to do so.

The truth is that the poor people of Louisiana and Mississippi were deliberately left behind -- and not just over the weekend. Our political leaders -- most especially George W. Bush -- left them behind a long time ago.

In the aftermath of this wholly avoidable catastrophe, let us do all we can to rescue those who have been abandoned. And then let us rescue the U.S. government from those who engineered their abandonment.At this point, we have a sacred duty to do both.

- Attorney Van Jones is founder of the Ella Baker Center for Human Rights, in Oakland, California.

letter from michael moore to george bush

2005-09-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

Friday, September 2nd, 2005

Dear Mr. Bush:
Any idea where all our helicopters are? It's Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our national guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren't there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn't want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don't like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her! I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don't let people criticize you for this -- after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don't listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers' budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn't cut the money to fix those levees, there weren't going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them -- BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn't stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that. There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr. Bush, you just stay the course. It's not your fault that 30 percent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C'mon, they're black! I mean, it's not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don't make me laugh! Race has nothing -- NOTHING -- to do with this! You hang in there, Mr. Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours,

Michael Moore MMFlint@aol.com www.MichaelMoore.com

P.S. That annoying mother, Cindy Sheehan, is no longer at your ranch. She and dozens of other relatives of the Iraqi War dead are now driving across the country, stopping in many cities along the way. Maybe you can catch up with them before they get to DC on September 21st

Kanye West Re. Katrina

2005-09-03T11:25:00.000-07:00

a friend on the east coast sent an email warning that kanye's comments would be cut by the time the telecast reached the west coast. here's the gist...cbell

KANYE WEST BLASTS BUSH'S KATRINA RELIEF EFFORTS: 'George Bush doesn't care about black people!'

*If race wasn't supposed to be an issue with the bungling of Hurricane Katrina relief efforts, it's been taken to the next phase by rapper Kanye West.

His "unexpected" comment came last night during "A Concert for Hurricane Relief," a heartfelt and dignified benefit aired on NBC and other networks.

About two-thirds into the program, he said "George Bush doesn't care about black people." The acclaimed rapper also told viewers America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible."

Because the show, simulcast on NBC, MSNBC, CNBC and Pax, went out live to the East Coast, West's outburst went out uncensored.

There was a several-second tape delay, but the person in charge "was instructed to listen for a curse word, and didn't realize (West) had gone off-script," said NBC spokeswoman Rebecca Marks.

Here is NBC official response to West's comments on the telethon:

"Tonight's telecast was a live television event wrought with emotion. Kanye West departed from the scripted comments that were prepared for him and his opinions in no way represent the views of the networks. It would be most unfortunate if the efforts of the artists who participated tonight and the generosity of millions of Americans who are helping those in need are overshadowed by one person's opinion."

West's comment about the president was cut from NBC's West Coast airing of the show three hours later

FAN MAIL!

2005-08-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

this email made me cry:

Hi Christa Bell! My name is Hannah Mary Tennent, my favorite food is cookie dough, I live in Albuquerque, and my favorite Starburst flavor is pink. I hate normal introductions like my age (13) and what I look (beautiful, hee hee) so now you know me pretty well. I just wanted to tell you how inspired I was by your porfromance in the Abq Poetry Slam. If you remember me I am the girl who came up to you in The Flying Star. I have always written poetry, but this was my first experiance with Slam Poetry. Now when I get older I want to be a slam poet, National Poet Laurite, be in a band, and change the world. The latter 3 have always been some of my aspirations. I just wanted to write this to you, because when I am famous I want to have people write to me (especially 13 year old girls) just to let to me know that they love me. So i just wanted to let you know how great you are. Enough praise for tonight, huh?

Adios,
Hannah (Veggie) Tennent

speaking of underground...

2005-08-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

did a little archaeological dig into my performance roots last night. my dad, pastor J.B. SR., is up from san francisco this week preaching at one of the churches i grew up in. i haven't seen him preach in years but i saw last night how thoroughly i've bitten his style...the message was "what has god done for YOU and what has it moved you to DO?". i don't remember where the text came from, but it had something to do with king david living in a house of cedar while the spirit of god was housed in a tent and then david deciding to build a real house (allegedly the very first one) for god.

before he even cracked open the word, he began by telling these "believe it or not" type stories about his own relationship to god and the miracles he's most recently witnessed. out of five of the miracles, at least two included people being raised from the dead. of note, because he is notoriously sexist, is that all the prophets he talks about are women. and also, i don't remember him saying anything about anyone going to hell this sermon.

he's an amazing storyteller with PERFECT comic timing. his use of repitition is genius and he's a master at improvisational storytelling. the major difference between our styles is he tends to pace the pulpit, while i stay in one place behind the mic. we both, like to look cute on stage (he was resplendent in head to toe white, including a very handsome silver goatee on his usually clean shaven chin), we LOVE to talk about ourselves, and we have the same sense of drama (i.e. build to climax with strong endings.)...

the congregation, especially the women judges, gave him straight tens!...more later...christa

Shayne L. Koyczan...making losing worth while...

2005-08-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."

--The Velveteen Rabbit, Margery Williams (as quoted in "Visiting Hours" by Shayne L. Koyczan)

so as a consolation prize for LOSING THE NATIONAL POETRY SLAM ON A TIME PENALTY shayne koyczan (2000 National Poetry Champion, from vancouver, b.c.) gave me his brand new unreleased-to-the-public book of poetry entitled "visiting hours"...it's wonderful so far...and almost worth losing for...and speaking of losing...

today on the way to hugo house to check-out some new (to me) poetry, a middle aged-state-representative-look'n black man, on the #11 bus, wearing light blue loafers, and a red white and blue sweatshirt, with the words USA! emblazoned across his chest looked at me with a smile and said, "we have a long way to go in this life...don't you ever give up!"...and i asked him why he told me that and he said, "because it's true", and i got off at the next stop and cried and cried and cried...i've been so stressed out rehearsing and competing over the last couple of months, and the wave of depression that accompanied the cry was a wonderful release...

when i first began performing, imani uzuri, my best friend, told me to be extremely conscious of the high/low mood swings that come with performing. the reason why performers often use mood altering substances is because they don't know what to do with the lull that comes after being on stage. the attention and even adulation that comes with giving a solid performance is intense, such a rush and SO addicting! seriously, the way i imagine meth might be...so the trick is to just BE with the low. observe it. don't react to it...just let whatever comes up, come up. emotions are transitory, they don't last forever...get through without trying to change the way it feels...

have a show tonight, must get ready...more later...christa

STILL UNDERGROUND

2005-08-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

that's what i like to say about my kuh-razy nationals experience (8/9-8/13) in beautiful abq, new mexico.
in summary...mercury (the trickster planet) was retrograde like a mf in my world last weekend! out of 74 teams and two hundred seventy some-odd poets, i placed first in the indies semi-finals (with "untitled" -aka romantic archetypes- and "for bashir"...what the seattle team calls my "B" pieces) and scored highest in the last round on the indies finals stage (with "the too much" and "word medicine") but received a TIME PENALTY for the latter, for going, i think, ten seconds over time. which, truth be told, i actually deserved because on the finals stage you get an additional ten seconds OVER the normal ten second grace period, which means i was 20 seconds over time! (AND STILL UNDERGROUND!)

i was given several pieces of advice/words of wisdom by some of my favorite poets:

rives: (the first poet i spoke with after the bout, in between me banging my head on his chest and screaming WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY???!)...christa, he said, i can tell you what you should do, even though you won't listen to me. don't think about it (the time penalty) EVER again...just keep it move'n...

roger bonair-agard : WHY did you lose? that is the question...were you ready to win? (and then he told me this beautifully empathetic story about his loss in 1997 at the nuyorican and how it ultimately served his writing)

bryonn bain (by email): is your soul power any less because you didn't fit into a time box? (and then he called me champion:0)

etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc...after the bout two beautiful women who sat in front of me during the team finals (who's names and exact words i will type up when i get home) wrote me compliments so amazing i cried. and the women loved me. all of them. and i felt it. so blessings...and thank you...

JANEAN LIVINGSTON (powerful!) and ANIS MOJGANI (deserving!) tied for first place and RAGAN FOX (who is HILARIOUS!!!) was second. with the time penalty, i placed third. CONGRATS TO ALL SEVEN OF THE POETS WHO MADE THE FINAL STAGE! WE RIPPED IT!!

ok...i'm over it now...i wanna shout out all the folks who gave me love throughout the weekend especially the seattle slam team: roberto ascalon, mat gano -rhymes with draino-, rajnii eddins, daemond arriendale and karen finneyfrock!), also louder arts and central jersey, my cousin will BELL, tai freedom ford, mo brown, michael cirelli (who wasn't able to make it out this year but who sent me love every day!), liz straight, and sonya, veronica and team oklahoma who were lodged next door to me at the hotel blue and who provided libations for my ancestor and goddess alters throughout the weekend (rum and vodka!). ALSO, not enough can be said about the phenomenal job that abq did in organizing this massive event! from accomodations, promotions, marketing (is that the same thing?) and venues, they did an absolutely OUTSTANDING job and should be used as a model for how to run a national event. BLESSINGS to the land for hosting us, BLESSINGS to the indigenous ancestors of the region. thank you for holding our spit.

ok. NOW WHAT THE HELL WAS ALL THE DRAMA ABOUT?

team finals hosted by karen finneyfrock and dasha kelly...the winners are announced from the stage;
in fourth place TEAM HOLLYWOOD! (yaaaaay!)
in third place TEAM FORT WORTH! (wooohoooo!)
in second place TEAM CHARLOTTE (yesssss!)
and in first place........(drumroll)....TEAM ALBUQUERQUE!!!!!!
and the sold out crowd of 2400 people goes bananas!!
it's the first time in the history of the national slam that the home team has won and they performed beautifully. the audience is whooping and clapping like crazy, abq is taking their bows and then...wait!...what's going on behind them???...members of teams charlotte and hollywood are standing with their arms crossed into X's in front of their chests in protest of abq's win!!..the stately queen sheba of team charlotte steps to the mic and indignantly says something that ends with, 'you all (abq) have no home training...' and, apparently, she wasn't alone in this belief...more to come...stay tuned!....(i believe members of team hollywood and hopefully of team charlotte are composing letters explaining their interpretation of events. will post or link when they becomes available)...OVERALL IT WAS A PHENOMENAL WEEKEND! more later...christa (like shirley, unbought, unbossed and STILL UNDERGROUND!)

CALENDAR UPDATES

2005-07-24T14:55:00.000-07:00

July

July 9
West Coast Poetry Festival, Featured Reader on the Foreign Exchange Stage
3:30 pm @ Simon Fraiser University, Vancouver, BC

July 12
Seattle Poetry Slam, Featured Reader
8:00 pm @ The Mirabeau Room, 629 Queen Anne Ave N, Seattle, WA

July 18
The Washington Artists Health Insurance Forum
6:15 pm @ the Frye Art Museum, 704 Terry Ave, Seattle, WA
The Sea Monster Lounge
10:00 pm @ 4401 Wallingford Ave N, Seattle, WA

July 19
The Seattle Poetry Slam, Bumber Slam Preliminary Bout
8:00 pm @ the Mirabeau Room, 629 Queen Anne Ave N, Seattle, WA

July 22
IKEA Renton River Days
6:15 pm on the Main Stage @ 1055 S. Grady Way, Renton WA

July 25
Fantasia Coffee House
9:00 pm in Bellingham, WA. Please visit www.poetrynight.org for more information!

July 26
Seattle Poetry Slam, host for the open mic. Tara Hardy of Bent will be hosting the slam portion of the evening. This is the queer poetry slam!!!
8:00 pm @ the Mirabeau Room @ 629 Queen Anne Ave N.

July 31
Capitol Hill Block Party, the Vera Stage @ 4:40 pm
Please visit http://www.capitolhillblockparty.com/ for more information.

July 31
Poet Populist Nominee Reading at the Seattle Public Library
2-3:30 pm @ The Seattle Public Library, Downtown Branch

August

August 1
The Salmon Slam
8:00 pm @ Café Deux Soleil, 1144 Commercial Drive, Vancouver, BC

August 2
Seattle Poetry Slam Fundraiser for the National Poetry Slam in ABQ, New Mexico
8:00 pm @ the Mirabeau Room, 629 Queen Anne Ave N, Seattle, WA--$10 cover

August 6th
Anacortes Arts Festival
5:25 pm-5:50 pm @ Poets at the Port Warehouse, Anacortes, WA

August 9-14
National Poetry Slam
ABQ, New Mexico

September

September 5
Bumbershoot @ Bumberslam
8:15 pm-10:15 pm @ the Bagley Wright Theatre in the Seattle Center, Seattle, WA

September 9-11
Ferngully Retreat workshop presenter; Healing Is A Political Act (HIAPA) Creative Recovery Workshop series in Vancouver, BC
Please go to www.ferngullyretreat.com for more information!

September 19
Vancouver Poetry Slam, Featured Reader
8:00pm @ Café Deux Soleil, 1144 Commercial Drive, Vancouver, BC

September 20
Café Momart
8:00 pm @ 4362 Main, Vancouver, BC

October

October 15
Richard Hugo House panelist for Persona and Culture
Please visit http://www.richardhugohouse.com/ for more information.

November

November 3-6
SpeakEasy
Anchorage, Alaska (details to be announced)

November 9
University of Puget Sound
1500 N. Werner St., Tacoma, WA

November 11-13
Langston Hughes Performing Arts Center (details to be announced)
104 17th Ave S, Seattle, WA

The Seattle Weekly June 20, 2005

2005-07-24T08:54:00.000-07:00

pg. 46

MIXING BOOKS AND BOOZE
In Seattle, Poetry is the new rock 'n' roll
by Neal Schindler

"...The real news is that lately, Synchronicity is more the rule than the exception. At Queen Anne's Mirabeau Room, a bar that frequently hosts DJ's, performance poet Karen Finneyfrock emcees the Seattle Poetry Slam every Tuesday night. A recent edition featured Christa Bell, one of this year's candidates for Seattle's Poet Populist. Bell performed a number of sensual, musical works, including a "sound poem," a spellbinding composite of rythymic muttering and singing. Her poetry is as theatrical as it is literary, and sometimes is both sexually graphic and loud...

renton river days

2005-07-23T18:38:00.000-07:00

so i was invited to perform at an "arts festival" last night but didn't get any details, since i TRUSTED the friend who set up the show. note to self...never do that again...turns out the "arts festival" was renton river days, which is like a low budget county fair without the rides. so there i was, five minutes before i went on, trying to figure out how to edit incest and female circumcision for a family audience. and there they were, the audience, in all its suburban glory, so innocent and unsuspecting. i felt like the one eyed evil aliens in war of the worlds.

the slam team spent the night at my house last night...we were all talking big sh-- about staying up 'til the break of dawn writing and rehearsing our group pieces...yeah...that happened...we ended up going to the dopest sushi happy hour in the universe! one that i discovered but that matt keeps trying to take partial credit for because he HAPPENED to be walking down the street with me when i found it! (men are always tryna put their flag on somethin'!)

tell me, how is it possible to spend $60 on happy hour food???? everything was so cheap and yummy we just kept ordering and ordering and ordering and ordering and ordering and ordering-multiplied by 10). i survived the enormous peer pressure placed on me by my team mates to drink (i only drink at communion) and then we walked back to my house where matt saved robby's drunkass life several times by holding him back from jumping out the window. the belltown partypeople excited him a little too much. then we watched dodgeball for like, 20 seconds before we all zonked out...GREAT WORK GUYS!

this morning, after coffee and a very solid ten minutes of writing, i came back home and slept until this very second...so nothing has really happened yet...not even any interesting dreams to report about...soooooo....more later...christa

full moon in yehmaya

2005-07-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

mohagany browne slanguistics:

"quit act'n light skin'ded" -- stop being upity, i.e. "hightoned"
"kick rocks!"-- beat it, or, "you're getting on my nerves"
"i'ma stab you in the eyeball!"-- 1) stop mess'n with me 2) are you joking? 3) ok, i've had enough of you.

oakland's own (by way of brklyn, new york) mohagony browne, womanist poet extraordinaire, was in town on tour for about four days and she's about as much fun as can fit into my 450 sq ft studio apartment...lol...we kept taking notes on each other and threatning to expose all our wierd artsy quirks by way of blog! i won't do that, but i will say that she's the red bandana'd gangsta to my pink hippie bubble, my new favorite evil twin. she had me constantly grasping my pearls, eyes stretched unbelievingly, mouth O'ed in shock.

after receiving a standing ovation for her amazing performance at the seattle slam and after being thwarted in her attempts to spy on the seattle slam team (we'll be competing against her in abq, new mexico, august 9-13), mobrowne packed up her poems, my favorite purple shawl, and a picture of the green tara and left this morning for a festival in denver.

even though she took up all the space in my bed, hogged all the covers, AND slapped me around at night (she says she was sleeping, that it was totally unconscious and that she wasn't expressing latent agression towards me-matter of fact! she called it free shiatsu massage!), i'm still having abandonment issues...(sniff...sniff...)

YOU AND ME
WILL NEVER PART
(maki-da-da!)
YOU AND ME
US HAVE ONE HEART
(maki-da-da!)
AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN, AIN'T NO SEA
(maki-da-da!)
KEEP MY SISTA 'WAY FROM ME!
(maki-da-da!)

-the color purple

how to attract hummingbirds and butterflys

2005-07-12T17:10:00.000-07:00

I

have you ever been kissed by a hummingbird?

it’s like
the thrill of a baby’s mouth on your
nipple

like
having your clit held between thick
african lips

it’s
a puppy bringing you to orgasm with it’s tongue

or

god
on her knees
suckling your toes

but if
the fuscia and dragon lily, monkey flower
and honeysuckle
if the coral bells and lilacs
are the only ones
defined by
the garden,
it’s soil and roots,
it’s temperatures and aphids

if
with a whirr and a hum and a
pimped out flashing of wings
the lover moves on to other
landscapes
other blossoms

with newer buds or
sweeter nectar

did the lilac's moment really happen?
can one memory, in a story of two ever
prove itself?

and
hummingbird kisses are like this
too

an iridescent blur between betrayal and love
a movement so quick
it teaches lightening
how to flash

fire
how to ignite

tears how to
strangle

A RUSHING MIGHTY WIND

2005-07-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

following is my first attempt at creating a sound poem:

A RUSHING MIGHTY WIND

Dedicated to my father, Pastor Joesiah Bell, Sr.

Him
Built of tree trunks and boulders
Who never bowed to
No one
But burst into rivers
When wa
ter
fall
ing
with
God

1st Movement -Approach
(hum) Take Me to The Water" or Nobody’s Fault But Mine (Nina Simone versions)
(moan) Take Me to The Water or Nobody’s Fault But Mine

2nd Movement – Whispering/Beseeching (asking permission to approach)
Speaking in tongues improvisation, quiet whispering- 60 seconds
End with hallelujah

3rd Movement – Giving Thanks
Speaking in tongues improvisation, giving thanks - 30 seconds
End with thank you Jesus

4th Movement - Prophesying
Speaking in tongues improvisation, prophesying -30 seconds

5th Movement – Begging for Mercy
Speaking in tongues improvisation, begging for mercy- 30 seconds

6th Movement – Shout’n (get’n happy)
Speaking in tongues improvisation, shout'n/get'n happy – 30 seconds
End with yes lord!

7th Movement - Resolution
Speaking in tongues improvisation, resolution – 30 seconds
Gradual fade to silence

west coast poetry festival

2005-07-11T17:48:00.000-07:00

just returned from the west coast poetry festival in vancouver/bc where jack mcCarthy, karen finneyfrock and i were invited to read on the foreign exchange stage...karen, who is one of my all time favorite poets, gave an amazing reading of mostly new work, and jack was, as usual, in top form. it was organized by sean mcgarragle of vancouver and it was magnificently done!

one poet who really stood out for me was a man named christian bok (last name pronounced "book") who is a sound poet, a style i hadn't heard of but will very shortly be experimenting with in my own work...based on what i experienced, sound poetry is performance poetry that is composed of made-up words and syllables or real words read in random order with certain emotionl and/or rythymic inflection.

christian writes it all down, and reads from the page but it seems like it could be done just as well as improv. i suppose that writing it down contextualizes it as literary.

what i like about it is it's potential to tell stories and express emotion without using words. for instance, he dedicated one piece to rumsfeld and used a series of nonsensical words mixed with made-up syllables and delivered in a grunting german accent that was immediately evocative of the nazi's.

it reminded me of speaking in tongues, of spirituals and gospel songs composed entirely of runs. it reminded me of imani uzuri's haunting, if vocally spastic, interpretation of "strange fruit" by billy holiday. it also reminded me of a song that i heard jazz legend etta james do once that was about five minutes of moaning and wailing and grunting and crying and then at the end the verse, "i'm feeling uneasy" added to interpret the song for the listener.

i spoke with christian after his reading and he told me that sound poetry is a 100 year-old tradition and i thought, but didn't say, that it is probably older than that on this continent and it probably has indigenous and/0r black african roots...but then, i think colored folk invented everything...more later...cbell

The First Annual Femme Ball

2005-05-22T01:53:00.000-07:00

dorris harris of backbone productions (grown folks poetry) gave the first annual femme ball tonight at the richard hugo house and it was delicious!...i didn't know there were so many black lesbians in the entire northwest let alone seattle!!! it was the hottest event i've performed at all year...amazing and beautiful...more later...cbell

a poem

2005-05-21T10:57:00.000-07:00

poem
(written after presenting yesterday at the nova projects' conference, "talk'n about race."

i am afraid that they will eat
me first

in a famine of soul
i am closest to looking like fried chicken
the brown crust of peach cobbler
fresh baked cornbread

they will slurp my blood
crunch the gristle from my elbows
suck the scant meat
like hamhock
bones

roll slivers of my inner thigh
press the flesh onto tooth picks
muse
stretchmarks make for interesting texture

bellies cramped in starvation
savage hunger of tongues
rifling through clinic dumpsters
for my most tender parts

hidden
in steel green garbage cans
so they can’t devour the seeds that were almost
my eyes

imagine the angels of bread...

2005-05-20T20:07:00.000-07:00

tryna digest at least two collections of poetry each week as i feel so behind in my reading of other writers...this week; imagine the angels of bread, by martin espada -intimate and gritty memoir poetry, painful to experience and distinctly masculine. the circumstances of many of the pieces make them very political as well. excellent story/poem crafting. here's a short piece that i love:

my cockroach lover

The summer i slept

on JC's couch,

there were roaches

between the bristles

of my toothbrush,

roaches pouring

from the speakers

of the stereo.

A light flipped on

in the kitchen at night

revealed a Republican

National Convention

of roaches.

One night I dreamed

a giant roach

leaned over me,

brushing my face

with kind antennae

and whispering, "I love you."

I awoke slapping myself

and watched the darkness

for hours, because i realized

this was a dream

and so that meant

the cockroach

did not really love me.

and spring essence, the poetry of ho xuan houng, translated by john balaban -i adore rebellious women!...this is a beautiful book written by an eighteenth-century vietnamese concubine who subtly disses the male order of her day... here's one of her less delicate poems:

male member

newborn, it wasn't so vile. but, now, at night,

even blind it flares brighter than any lamp.

soldierlike, it sports a reddish leather hat,

musket balls sagging the bag down below.

this was the 18th century! imagine!! hahahahaha!!

more later...christa

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MALCOLM!

2005-05-19T23:01:00.000-07:00

el hajj malik el shabazz (malcolm x), you would've been 80 years old today.

christabellonline.com

2005-05-18T20:48:00.000-07:00

opened for saul williams monday night @ western washington university in bellingham and brought up my new beatbox dax jamel (who i just found out can SING!) with jabril electric on guitar...did the "holy" set and RIIIPED IT!... great show and saul was amazing as usual...he read this long ass 20 page poem about everything in the world plus a dream and even when his voice dissolved into mantra, humming for minutes at a time, whenever i pulled my mind back to the individual words, it was like i hadn't missed a beat...his shit is so layered...was great to connect again with the young feminists at wasu who consistently curate the most progressive and philosophically diverse shows! big shout out to afros, shannon, gabrielle and stephanie who love women and who especially support my work!

website is finally up thanks to my boy inye wokoma (www.ijoarts.com) who also took the most AMAZING photographs of me! check/check me out @ christabellonline.com...i wanted it to be zenmystic and super accessible...let me know what you think of the layout.

am exhausted right now but wanted to get a blog out real quick...more later...christa

Two Poems

2005-05-11T07:10:00.000-07:00

(written this morning before i got out of bed)

from the pulpit
my fathers glance could mold you like cheese
all cuttings up scared straight by a look
that promised the meanest greenest switch
ashy legs could imagine once
church was out

(and this one last night, before i went to sleep)

there are three homeless men who camp
in the doorway
outside my window
across the street.

i think of them whenever it rains;

how horrible, how sad to live
in a doorway!
and i'll watch them for a while turning in sleepingbags to find
a soft spot beneath the cardboard and old gum
atop the concrete before turning

to answer the phone
have a snack
read a poem
masturbate.

and this
is what structural violence does;

it overwhelms the heart to disconnection
leaves you shivering and wet, but only theoretically
because inside your room
is cozy
and dry.

whatadaywhatadaywhataday

2005-05-10T23:38:00.000-07:00

1) now working with art corps seattle.
2) introduced figurative language to students @ seattle urban academy.
3) among other things, had students deconstruct nelly's "tip drill" for the gang rape metaphor that it is. one of the male teachers walked in and commented that he thought "tip drill" was a metaphor for a promiscuous woman.
4) met with alex red to begin planning word medicine tour for fall.
5) went to hugo house to see rajnii eddins, black genius, and the legendary jack mcCarthy feature.
6) reading "pathologies of power" by paul farmer (hard and sad) .
7) reading "my mother's body" poems by marge piercy (AMAZING!)
8) still completely exhausted from weekend of travelling back/forth to portland to lecture/perform.
9) did i tell you the young women in the black feminist/womanist class @ portland state university didn't know that the clit is the center of women's orgasm and that the vagina itself has virtually no nerve endings? that they thought they were weird because they didn't enjoy intercourse? (what kind of crazy and wicked world is this?)
10) teatro del fuego was the hotshit! not just saying that cos i featured...
11) must get to libary tomorrow to return oryx and crake by margaret atwood (i love women's sci-fi but why is it so depressing?) and some other book i can't remember the title of cos i'm too tired....
12) aaron mcgruder is the funniest man alive.

passion is not enough. i must become a better writer.

grand slam update

2005-05-04T12:51:00.000-07:00

the 2005 grand slam poetry competition was on april 30th at the catwalk in pioneer square and I WON!! it was the biggest crowd ever for a grand slam show in seattle with over 400 people packed into the venue. the two features were seattle's youthspeaks poets who were AMAZING (madeliene cliffords piece on the women of juarez mexico is the NEXT!) and also rives, of def poetry fame, who is at least as brilliant a story teller as my father, who is the best in the WORLD!

we have the dopest team that seattle could possibly have; rajnii eddins of the poetry experience, roberto ascalon-rock poet extroidinaire, matt gano-one of the best writers i know and, hopefully, two-time individual world poetry slam champion buddy wakefield (we'll find out this thursday if he'll be able to come with us this year!) WEST SIIIIIIDE! WHAT???

the nationals will be held in abq, new mexico this year august 10-14 i think.

i'm going down to portland tonight to guest lecture at portland state university on black women and sexuality. it's for a black feminism/womanism class taught by turiya autry. should be interesting.

will be back in portland on saturday for a feature with teatro del fuego.

more later...christa